6 pieces of wisdom from Liz Gilbert that changed my life

When we pursue our dreams and grow into our potential there’s usually someone who’s done it before us, someone we can look to and aspire to be, whose footsteps we want to follow in. Elizabeth Gilbert has been that for me. Ahead of her trip to Auckland and my event for a small group of women built around that visit, here’s 6 pieces of her advice that changed my life.

Creativity asks us to enter the uncertain so it makes sense it comes with fear.  Any risk we take, especially when it’s linked to something important like our dreams or life’s work comes with the need to get out of our comfort zone, face risks and deal with the uncertain outcome.
 
What if I fail?
What if I get it wrong?
What if people laugh at me?
What if I’m not good enough?
Everyone else has done it better
How do I know I can make this work?
 
All the things I doubted when I set out in business for myself, wrote my first book, started to post on social media about things that inspired me.  Turns out, that inspired others too and the rest is history.  Now it’s your turn.  That fear will always come with the risk though and the creativity that is involved in following your dreams.  In the words of Liz Gilbert – it’s not something to be ashamed of but to be dealt with. 

It took me 30 years to find my strange jewels and even longer to find the courage to share them with the world.  Liz Gilbert was one of the women who inspired me to do so.  We all have a jewel within us but many of us never get to share it.  We’re too busy, or life’s too short, or we’re just too scared or it’s simply buried so deep we assume it’s not there.  What’s your jewel and how might it help the world?  How many others will lose out if your jewel remains buried?  Since going on this journey myself my life has improved ten fold, my career too and the thousands of people I’ve been fortunate enough to work alongside. 

What’s your gift and how will you share it?  It’s often easier to leave it buried, to play small and not face the fear of playing big.  I played small for years, it was easier.  Not rewarding, but it meant I didn’t have to get out of my comfort zone, be noticed or take any risks.  I was going through the motions of life trying my best to ignore this calling because it felt hard and required the courage I didn’t feel like I had.  Life could have remained small but when we get brave and take a risk, get out of our comfort zone and share our magic with the world life becomes bigger, it becomes bigger for those we help in the process too. Love the advice in this space from Liz Gilbert.  Does your life feel smaller than you want it to be right now?

One of my biggest realisations on this journey has always been this.  If you be yourself the right people will love you.  I used to think I had to be more clever, more perfect, more original and finally I realised, I just have to be myself.  This was revolutionary on my journey which has always been support by the wisdom of Liz Gilbert’s advice.

It’s not easy though and so many what ifs plague our minds.  It’s all been done before, everyone else does it better, who I am, what if I fail?  All doubts I had before I began.  I love this reminder from Liz Gilbert who I’ll be taking a small group of women to see in February.  Women who want to begin and will begin from where they are.  To be fair it’s where we all start from and how can we start from anywhere else.  I love the adage that no-one knows what they’re doing until they’re doing it and this journey is one massive learning curve.  You don’t need to be clear on everything or have all the pieces in place or have the confidence to know you can do it – no-one ever does at the start.  This stuff often comes as you begin.  So begin now, with what you have, from where you are – that’s what I did and Elizabeth Gilbert too before me.

When we do begin we’re likely to encounter fear though, this can often be why we don’t begin in the first place!  Fear is inevitable if you get out of your comfort zone enough and it comes with growth and development.  Yet it can also be what stops us, what keeps us in the grind of the familiar.  It’s a safety strategy but it means so many of our dreams remain just that, dreams.  What have you been too scared to do up until now?  How might you be able to take fear along on this journey and not let it stop you this year?  I love Liz Gilberts frame on this and something that has helped me navigate the inevitable fear of getting out of my own way.
The fear of failure
The fear of what people think
The fear of not being good enough
The fear of putting yourself out there in the public eye
The fear of sharing your story and work the matters with the world
 
On the other side of that fear is a life of fulfilment, meaning and purpose, an impact on the world.  It’s always with us on the journey but never needs to be in the driving seat.

I’ll be taking a small group to see Liz Gilbert live in February and workshop with you the following day how to navigate this fear to bring your dreams to life.  Why not join me.

The Calmony Manifesto: A Call to Reconnect

The Calmony Manifesto: A call to Reconnect
In a world moving faster than we’re built for, we’ve lost touch with what it means to be human. We’ve become human doings, chasing more, burning out, and disconnecting from what truly matters.

We’re living in a way that’s out of sync with who we are at our core. It’s not us that’s broken, it’s the system we’re trying to fit into.

More is not always better.  It’s time to slow down and reconnect - with ourselves, each other, and the world. Calmony is the answer: a state of inner peace, not dependent on external circumstances.

Calmony helps us live at a human scale - reconnecting to ourselves, others, and our purpose, without the need to constantly strive.

Happy humans make a better world.  Let’s return to being and thrive together.

The Calmony Manifesto: Returning to Human Being
The world is changing faster than ever. We stand at the crossroads of rapid technological advancement, shifting workplace dynamics, and a future that feels more uncertain each day. With burnout on the rise, the evolution of AI, economic instability, and global crises - from climate change to political upheaval - we find ourselves searching for something more, something deeper, something that unites us in a world that seems more divided than ever.
We’re living in systems our bodies and minds were not designed for. Chasing more, doing more, and sacrificing what truly matters in pursuit of material success has left us disconnected. We've mistaken busyness for purpose, external validation for meaning, and digital connectivity for real human connection. In the rush to live faster, we’ve forgotten how to live well.

It’s Time for a Radical Shift - From "Doing" to "Being"
We need to slow down. To create space in our lives, minds, and hearts for what truly matters. This is not about retreating from the world but about designing a way of living that honors who we are and what makes us whole. It’s about choosing calmony—the quiet, inner peace that comes from living in harmony with ourselves, our communities, and the world around us.

We choose calmony over chaos
We choose to put being back into human being, to reconnect with the essence of life.  Our fast-paced, always-on world is taking a toll on our mental health, our relationships, and our ability to simply be human. We’re more connected than ever, yet we’ve never felt more disconnected from ourselves and each other.

We reject the myth that more is always better
Instead, we cultivate space for what truly nourishes us. We are human beings, and our worth is not determined by how much we can accomplish in a day.

We embrace ancient wisdom to solve modern problems
The answers we seek are not new—they are rooted in principles that have stood the test of time. We look to ancient practices that honor the human spirit, knowing that science now confirms what we’ve always intuitively known: that connection, stillness, and simplicity are the keys to a well-lived life.

We reconnect to each other with kindness and compassion
In a world where division and intolerance grow, we choose empathy. We choose to see the humanity in one another and to stand together.

We commit to living in alignment with our values
In every moment, we ask: what matters most? Is this task, this interaction, this pursuit in line with who I am and what I believe? We make choices that honor our true selves and our unique purpose, knowing that when we do, we create a ripple effect that touches every aspect of our lives - and the world.

The Future Begins with Us
The solution isn’t complicated - it’s about simplifying, creating space, and living in alignment with what makes us whole. It’s about living on a human scale - a scale that honors who we are, what we need, and the connections that make life meaningful.

We can’t always control what’s happening around us, but we can control how we show up in the world. We can create space in our minds, hearts, and schedules for what really matters. We can choose calmony over chaos, connection over division, and purpose over busyness.  Calmony is not passive - it’s a powerful state of being that allows us to thrive in an ever-changing world. It is a call to step into our full humanity and to live from a place of authenticity, connection, and contentment.

Together, we can build a better world.
One where happy humans create lasting change.
One where we thrive, not just survive.
One where we come home to ourselves and to each other.

To go from full to fulfilled and from chaos to calmony.

The answer is already within us. It’s time to slow down, reconnect, and choose calmony.

Women in leadership

The work I love most in my schedule is always the work I do with women.  It’s not just seeing amazing women reach their potential, but the impact this has on the world in the process when more of us can own our space and share our gifts with the world.
 
We’ve come a long way, however the data is still lagging.  Whilst many organisations have made an effort to get more women and under-represented groups around leadership tables, they’re not always supported when they get there.  The environment you step into as the only woman or other minority, can make the job so much harder.
 
I’m big on fixing the system first and getting our leaders (who have the influence and the majority of whom are still male) to do their part in this mahi.  In the meantime though, it’s essential we support our women and under-represented groups to thrive.  It’s not good enough just to have diversity in these roles, we need to ensure we retain people in them and that they can feel like they belong.  Otherwise they will not be able to bring their best and may end up leaving altogether.
 
Women still face stronger headwinds at work.  Often shouldering more of the mental load at home as well as being more likely to get talked over, mistaken for someone more junior or have their ideas taken by other teams’ members.  It’s no wonder we experience things like imposter syndrome and burnout at higher rates than our male counterparts.
 
It’s for these reasons my Women in Leadership programme PowHer exists.  It helps women and under-represented groups own their space, lead with confidence and navigate systems that contain these headwinds and are still different because of how they look and sound.  To leverage the power we have as leaders and show up fully human, as ourselves and with confidence to leverage our unique skillset and the experience we bring.
 
It’s been my experience doing this work over the last decade that so often women feel the need to change something about themselves to fit in.  To be more masculine to succeed as a leader.  They doubt themselves and second guess their ideas resulting in holding back innovation and creativity.  They don’t always feel they have permission to challenge those in positions of power, even when that challenge might be best for the business.  This isn’t due to the fault of these women or their skillset, it’s a product of the society they’ve grown up in and centuries of baggage we carry about a woman’s role, expectations and knowing our place.  It hinders our progress and mean we can’t bring our whole selves to work and allow the organisation to benefit from that increased impact.
 
It’s my hope one day that we don’t need to talk about gender or other intersectionalities when we talk leadership, but for now we know that leadership is different if you identify as a woman or non-binary.  It’s for this reason we need a different approach.  A space to share our experience and learn how to navigate some of these challenges that come with leadership, purely because of how we were born and the world we were born into.
 
We don’t need to qualify the business case behind this, we’ve known it for years, but we also now know that women are making the majority of purchasing decisions, increasing in wealth and influence.  Your client base is no doubt full of women, as is your community.  If women are not represented equally on your leadership team, you’re missing out on a massive opportunity to better understand and relate to your customers, and we know the impact that has on the bottom line.

I love working in house with organisations to codesign this programme to make an impact and have really enjoyed doing so this year with Foodstuffs, Hato Hone St John and Trade Me.  If you’d like to join these amazing organisations in this mahi, let’s chat about what might work for your organisation.

Reflect on how far you have come

On a recent family holiday to Rarotonga, someone had the crazy idea that we should enter the round Rarotonga road race. 31km run or walk. We could train and do it together they said! So we did. For me it marked a year post knee surgery and seemed like a good goal to aim for during my rehab, and a celebration of my recovery and what my knees can now do that they struggled to before. So we trained and we stood at the start line at 5.30am with everyone else in the pitch darkness – and then off we went. Not quite as quickly as everyone else, in fact within the first kilometre we couldn’t actually see anyone else, even the other walkers! We brought up the rear for the entire race. Even having our own police escort so we could be, I quote, under observation. At one point, as I sat at a bus stop plastering my blisters and eating my protein bar, the passing police escort said to me “are you still in the race or have you finished?”

I came last. Well joint last with a family member. Why do I share this story and its success, or lack of? What did it teach me?

You see we’d all won by the time we got to the start line. Regardless of the result, we were not there for a PB, we were there because we trained and wanted to be fitter. We were there because a year before, none of us could have been. It’s helped me reflect on the success in failure. What others see as failure or not worth celebrating, can actually be a massive achievement for others. We never know the size of the mountains others are climbing and so often we’re busy looking at the summits of others, not the kilometres we’ve already climbed.

It's easy in our pursuit of more and better and chasing down our goals to forget about the successes that occur along the way, the wins we have before the finish line, the progress markers that show our successes compounding as we walk.

For someone who has always been quite fit and a sporting competitor, it’s been an adjustment for me as I age and contend with lasting injuries to adapt to my new normal and make peace with what I’m capable of these days health-wise. To readjust my expectations and be comfortable in doing my best and knowing it’s good enough but will never be what it was or what others may be capable of doing.

So I’m not a loser because I was last, I’m a winner because I finished and given where I’m at, this is a massive achievement. Even if I did get beaten by our friend and her 74 year old blind mother!

So the next time you’re worrying about coming last (or whatever your life equivalent of this currently is), turn back and see how far you’ve come. Reflect on the wins along the way and the successes that exist inside the thing you’re currently thinking is a failure or not good enough. Know that we change and our expectations need to change to – what’s your best on any given day is always enough.

Crossing the finish line (last) was a success in itself, we were there just to finish, not to win, not to get a personal best. The time really didn’t matter, even if it was 6 hours and 20 minutes – just 40 minutes shy of them closing the race and marking us as ‘did not finish’!

The meaning of connection this Mental Health Awareness Week: how you can reconnect to what matters

This #mhaw2024 we’re talking about connection.  An interesting topic that means so much to me and forms a chapter of my brand new book, out next month.  We’re more connected than ever before online and yet also increasing lonely and unfulfilled.  We’ve lost real connection in this world of hyper connectivity. 
 
The connection we need for a better state of being comes in many forms.  Connection to ourselves (who we are and what’s important), connection to each other (kindness and compassion) and connection to the present moment.  Our loss of connection to nature is contributing to the climate crisis and a fundamental part of our wellness: green therapy is now prescribed by some doctors!  There’s also the connection to something bigger, our sense of meaning and purpose that so many of us struggle to find in our work, leading to low employee satisfaction and engagement across the globe. 
 
In the absence of connection, we feel lost.  Like an untethered boat, we drift.  In a world in which we are more connected than ever, we are also more disconnected, and more lonely.  Nearly one in four people worldwide, which translates into more than a billion people, feel very or fairly lonely, according to a Meta-Gallup survey of people more than 140 countries.  That study showed that 24% of people aged 15 and older self-reported feeling very or fairly lonely. Young adults ages 19 to 29 had the highest rates, at 27%. 

We’re not lonely because we’re alone; we’re lonely because we’re disconnected.  Connection means many things to me, not just a connection to each other socially but a connection to ourselves, to know who we are at our essence and also connect to something bigger than ourselves to bring about meaning and purpose.  We often overlook the importance of connection to nature and our present moment too – both fundamental to our health and happiness.

We’re so connected to our virtual worlds and yet we’re so disconnected from ourselves, from each other, from the present and from a sense of deeper meaning.  In a world of super connectivity, we’re starving for real connection, and this is contributing to the loneliness epidemic. 

Ever since I trained with Buddhist monks and nuns, I’ve been aware there we all have an ability to cultivate this connection within.  It’s a place inside yourself where you can go when times get tough or when you need a break: to recentre, to gain perspective.  It's a place that always brings calm and peace.  When we do this, we are reconnecting with ourselves.

As humans, we’re very good at wanting to be anywhere other than where we are.  What we often overlook is that that place exists within us.  It is accessible anytime – we just need to cultivate it.

We need to get still, get comfortable not ‘doing’, and reduce our busyness to find moments of pause in our lives; to still our minds.  We need to listen to what’s really going on within: the stuff that’s easier to numb or ignore with our constant doing.

Get still, find your centre and be with your breath, in the moment.  That’s all it takes.  We all have the ability to reconnect, we’ve just forgotten it amid the busyness of life.  This is the one reason I can stay calm in the face of chaos and remain optimistic about the future.  It has helped me overcome the tough times along the way. 

It’s a topic close to my heart and a chapter of my new book so one I wanted to share with you ahead of its launch given that this week in MHAW and we’re talking about connection!

How might you disconnect to reconnect this MHAW week?

Get your copy of my brand new book or join me on tour next month and let’s connect in person.

Leading with humanity to lead into tomorrow

In the age of AI, one of the things that’s emerging is the uniqueness and importance of our human-ness.  The human skills we prioritise in great leadership, the same skills that build inclusive cultures and adapt to change and navigate uncertainty.  One of the things that not only sets us apart but will make the difference for our business success is this human-ness in the way we lead. 

Embracing our emotional intelligence, remaining curious, leading authentically and remaining calm amid the chaos.  These are the skills of calm, confidence capable leaders and these are the people to lead us into tomorrow.  Leading with humanity is the learning edge for leaders to embrace into the next year and beyond, and it’s what I love to teach.

Now more than ever our businesses will look to the capability of their leaders to not just lead through these challenging times and navigate the uncertain future, but also to bring everyone else along the journey.  Especially in a fiscal environment where many are tasked with doing more with less.

The top challenges organisations are grappling with, according to the research, include:

• Humanising leadership in the digital age

• Managing change and uncertainty

• Forming connection and collaboration in a hybrid working environment

• Budget cuts and changing structures

The challenges (and opportunities) hybrid working has presented continue and in the age of AI, human skills have become more critical.  In an environment of change, we'll need to adapt and evolve and in an uncertain economic environment, we'll be expected to be more careful with how we allocate spend.

If we’re to navigate these challenges, much of our success will be determined by our focus of these three priority areas:

• Building a diverse and inclusive culture

• Motivating and engaging the workforce

• Building leadership capability – particularly the humanity and people skills that supports the others two points!

As the world of business keeps changing at a breakneck pace, one thing remains constant: leadership development is as vital as ever.  In fact, it’s more essential than ever before to stay ahead of the curve and develop the skills necessary to lead and inspire in an age of rapid technological advancements, shifting priorities, an unpredictable economy, and significant social change. 

These are the human skills of leadership, our vertical growth, the stuff that sets us apart from robots and make the difference as we lead people through change and uncertainty.

With popular half-day leadership development workshops, and one-hour information sessions perfect to incorporate into an existing hui, I’ve been supporting organisations this year to build inclusive leaders, build the human capability of their organisations in this age of AI, and to develop leaders who lead with humanity.

Let’s chat about your plans for 2025 and setting your leadership team up for success as we lead into tomorrow together.

What we learn from the Māori concept of rāhui

I’m fascinated by the Māori concept of rāhui.  Especially in terms of our environment.  Most indigenous cultures live alongside their environment and believe we’re deeply connected to it.  It is us and we are it rather than it being something we ‘use’ and take from in ways that simply are not sustainable.

If we all adopted this concept and took a break from or restricted access to our most precious resources to allow those resources to recover, we may not be in the climate crisis we are today.  Rāhui goes much further than that though.  As well as being an act of conservation in the spirit of kaitiakitanga, it is also something that is sacred.  A time to respect and not visit a certain area for tapu reasons.

So we restrict use and access out of respect and for conservation – I reckon the same could be said for us, our personal resources and our work when I think of our energy and the prevalence of burnout.  Rāhui may be a concept unique to Māori that we can learn from here too.

You know I talk a lot about sustainability of ourselves as a resource, and I’m thinking about the Māori concept of rāhui today in respect of ourselves and what we might learn.  Most of us only take a break from our work over Christmas or summer, and then if you’re a woman that is not always a break if you’re the one who buys all the gifts, cooks all the meals and arranges all the social and whānau gatherings!  Even in times of burnout or extreme sickness, we struggle to stop and impose a restriction on the usual comings and goings of our life.  I think we need to.

It’s something I’ve been forced to consider this year due to ongoing health issues.  As I contemplate my own kind of restriction to preserve my own resources, I worry how I’ll fill the space that my work so often (and rewardingly) does for me.  I worry I will not be as valuable to the world if I’m not busy.  That my business may suffer if I’m not there in it all the time and that there’s things I’ll need to stop doing in order to make this possible, when my natural inclination is to say yes to everything.

Some of this may ring true for you too.  We’re conditioned to always keep going.  To continually take from our resources until there’s nothing left to give.  We live in a world where we’re rewarded for our contribution, and busyness is worn like a badge of honour.  Our self-worth and value is often placed upon the amount of things we can do.  We’re uncomfortable stopping, saying no and stepping back.  And yet as Māori show us through rāhui, it’s imperative for the resources to regenerate that we give them this space and restrict use to enable conservation and continued growth.

It is for this reason we’ve got just a couple of dates left in the calendar for September and October before I embark on sabbatical November-January.  If you were thinking of working with me this year, let’s chat.

Whilst it’s a time of nervous trepidation for me, as with all life experiences, I’m looking forward to seeing what I gain and what it’ll teach me, and how that impacts how I can show up for you in 2025.

Thanks to my wonderful team, the social media, blogs and podcast will continue to tick over so whilst I’ll be gone, it won’t feel like it, and I’m confident this will mean I come back better!

Choose to rest before you're forced to stop

I’m back from a fabulous trip across Australia on an outback adventure with my wife, and also to attend the Women in Sport Summit on the Gold Coast.  It was a great way to combine business and leisure, and get some sun at the same time.  Such a vast country and such extremes in the desert, it really was a change of scenery and an adventure.

It was on this recent holiday I also got sick; it’s often the case when we stop and rest, especially in winter with so many bugs around.  This coincided with the retreat part of my holiday at one of Australia’s leading wellness spas.  It was one of the worst flus I can remember having, and really knocked me over.  I was gutted not to be able to join in and enjoy all of what the retreat had to offer, barely leaving the room, but it certainly made me rest.

It's one of Australia’s leading lifestyle and wellness destinations and a place I’d been wanting to return to since before covid, and yet this visit didn’t turn out how I’d planned.

Usually I’d have been up at sunrise to do the qi gong class, going on the pre breakfast bushwalk and then trying to fit in a swim or gym before my scheduled massage.  As an over-achiever, I treat retreat schedules a bit like to do lists – I’m sure this resonates with some of you too!  Being sick forced me to slow down.  It made me rest because I couldn’t do anything else.

I was able to sit on the deck and watch the kangaroos bounce around the lawn.  I was able to feel the sun on my face and I was also able to listen to the amazing sounds of the dawn chorus, complete with a cacophony of kookaburras.  It turns out this is what I needed.  Not the classes and gym time or treatments and dinners.  Sometimes sickness is our body’s way of getting what it needs by making us unable to do anything else – despite our best efforts and disappointment!

It reminded me of a past participant on one of my retreats who was really frustrated with herself because she fell asleep on the Saturday afternoon and missed the workshop which - in her words - was the reason she came.  My response was ‘good, you obviously, needed the sleep more’.  Sometimes our bodies have a way of making us listen and forcing us to rest when we haven’t been hearing the more subtle signs prior.  I’m also reminded of the mantra: we may not get what we want, but sometimes we get what we need instead.

As I recover, I’m reflecting on my lessons learned and that sometimes if we don’t rest, we’re forced to, and we can either choose to rest our own way, or be made to rest when we get sick.  It costs us time either way.

I’m also mindful that even for those of us with good balance, sometimes our standard wellness plans and general sustainability acts – like sleep, food, exercise, meditation and yoga etc are all good, but can mask some of the underlaying overwork symptoms and times we might need more deeper rest.  I’m good at looking after myself and managing my energy, but I do find (especially in winter) that my usual wellness plan isn’t always enough.  It’s like we need periods of deep rest amid all the fast charge equivalent actions we take to keep ourselves sustainable.

It's made me pause to find some more deep rest time in the remainder of this year, and consider what additional sustainability measures I might need to take, and hopefully it can be a good reminder for you too.

It's why I love retreats, and we’ll be running my popular rest and recharge weekend retreat in Nelson again in April next year.  This usually sells out so if you’re keen to join us and make space for some deep rest, the early bird sale is on now for a limited time.  With guests often returning and already booking their rooms for 2025, get your spot before places sell out.

Inspiring action: what’s the difference?

I’m fortunate that my career has spanned a number of methods or vehicles for teaching and sharing wisdom.  I’m a writer and a speaker, I deliver training workshops and facilitate retreats.  Each is a different art, and arts I’ve spent years mastering and developing.  I’ve learned from some of the best and whilst everything I tech comes back to the same IP, I’ve noticed there’s a difference in how these various modes impact the audience.

One of the questions I'm often asked is: what's the difference between a keynote and a workshop, apart from the length of time? It's been a really interesting journey for me, particularly being from a leadership development background. During my career in HR, I did a lot of leadership development, I did a lot of training and development, and I learnt a lot about learning and development.

Then I started to write books and the link between these learning modes really became apparent through the work I do now based on those books.  I'm an author before I was anything else, and I'm an introvert as well, so it worked quite well for me to sit by myself and create and write. I love it. Then I started to get asked to speak about the content of those books. I would take stages, often in front of hundreds, sometimes thousands of people. Initially it filled me with fear, as I think public speaking does with most of us.  But the more I did it, the easier it got, and I learned so much about the art of public speaking.

What was really interesting for me is it brought the text in the book to life, and it was also a way of getting instant feedback. It is much quicker to get the message across in an hour long keynote to an audience of hundreds, than it is to ship a hundred books out and wait for people to have the time to read them!

Being out there, connecting with individuals in conference rooms and at events and hearing your feedback firsthand really helped. Not just helped me know that this was working and the books were making an impact, but it gave me ideas for future books as well. So that connection became such a fundamental part of what I do.

But the keynote is only an hour.  It's supposed to be quick, impactful, inspirational - and it is. The keynote gets us motivated. The workshop is the next step and this is how this has evolved. People come along to the keynote, they get inspired, they get motivated, they want to take action. But then of course, you've got to learn all the strategies to put into action, and that's where the workshops come into play.

I love getting together smaller groups of people and digging into the practical. Like when we do these workshops in-house, for organisations to build on some of those inspirational keynotes.  The workshops allow us to not just listen to someone like me, whoever's at the front of the room, but share experiences with each other to have a deeper kōrero. To actually apply this specifically to our individual circumstances, to learn some of the practical tools, strategies and techniques, and to really use the motivation and inspiration we get from something like a keynote to delve a bit deeper.

It's why I'll offer both when I'm at a conference or event. Often I'll be on the main stage and then whilst I'm there working with the conference or event organisers, I'll do a workshop at the same time because it really helps to build on that inspiration and motivation.

You’ll all remember a time you’ve been motivated by someone’s words.  We've all seen someone on stage that said something and it's like they're talking directly to us. It's like they're in our heads and it motivates us, it inspires us and we go away from that going, ‘yes, I'm going to make a difference’.

But we then need to get that practical knowhow and that deep understanding of how I’m going to use this to make a difference. Now I've got the fire to be called to action, what am I going to do to make that action happen? That's really where workshops help support the practical implementation of what you're hearing in a keynote.

A recent programme I ran for a supermarket co-operative gave me feedback from of a workshop attendee.  We did a lead with confidence workshop, webinar and coaching package for women in the organisation.  On conclusion, attendees graduate and share their experiences.  One leader mentioned: the attendee in question from the bakery department of the store would not be able to attend the graduation because the course had been too successful for her.  She’d gained the confidence to leave and start her own bakery!

This story was told with pride in an organisation who supports the development of its staff and understands that sometimes they have to leave to come back better with the experience they’ve gained.

Speaking inspires, but workshops is where the rubber hits the road and where we can drill down into the practical strategies to bring the theory to life.  To take the inspiration and turn it into action and meaningful change for those in the room.

Get in touch to find out the workshops available in house for your organisation or event.

Being alive: Living before we die

Over a weekend recently, I went to a course on, wait for it – death!  Not the most enjoyable way to spend a weekend you’d think and not at the top of most people’s list, but it was really interesting which has led to this piece on my take-aways and how it can help us.  Those who follow me know I’ve spent years studying Buddhist practices and philosophies on life and this one intrigued me seeing end of life events unfold among those close to me this year.

You see one thing we all know for sure is that we will die; there’s no greater certainty and we’ve no idea when really.  Because of this, it’s so important we live whilst we’re alive.  Some of us might get it pointed out in advance if we’re sick or receive a terminal diagnosis, but we’re all on the same conveyor belt whether we’re aware or not.

When we think about death, it impacts how we live and I think it does this positively.  When people are faced with the end of their life they think differently.  We’re forced to bring the important stuff to the surface and make it our focus.  What if we could live more of our life like this all the time, without needing the threat of a near death experience to compel us to reprioritise?

In the face of a near death experience, all of a sudden we’ve got bucket lists and want to do the things that matter.  Shouldn’t we be doing this all the time though?  What if we don’t get forewarned about our death, what if it happens suddenly and we have not had the warning to get everything done and make it matter?

How can this concept of thinking about death help us though rather than send us into a state of panic or depression?  We never think about death in our western world.  We live like we’ll be around forever and then when it comes (as it always does) we’re completely unprepared, scared and desperately hanging on to life, wishing we’d actually lived it.

Here’s the thing from a Buddhist perspective.  If we consider that we will die one day (fact), it changes the way we live, it changes our perspective.  If we thought we may die today, our interactions become different with people, we do the things that matter, we treat each other with kindness and the little things stop bothering us.

It doesn’t mean we take risks or live as if there’s no consequences like we could if today was our last, but just the perspective that if today could be our last, we’d allow what’s important to be more of a focus.  It’d put our worries into perspective so we’d only worry about big stuff and we’d not get caught up in the things that simply don’t matter – comparison to others, collecting more material things, first world problems etc.

For anyone who’s been close to death, lost someone dear or been in the midst of an earthquake or natural disaster, this may have become clear.  It doesn’t need to take those things though for us to have the perspective and awareness and to live each day with meaning and appreciate more of what we have.  The scary thing is that each day we live is a day closer to our death.

Yet we live like we’ll be here forever. The Buddhist monk this weekend likens it to staying in a posh hotel.  We know we’re only there for short time, we make the most of the fine white sheets, the fluffy bath robe and free shampoos.  We enjoy it, appreciate it but we don’t believe we’ll take any of it with us or cry when we leave because we knew right from the start that we’d be checking out.

When we think about our death we stop chasing after the things that we can’t take with us – money, status, material possessions and we focus on the things that make life meaningful.  We stop putting things off; “I’ll be happy when I get… (the job, house, car, partner)”.  We learn to appreciate what we have and live in the moment rather than postponing our happiness to a point in the future.

When faced with death we stop worrying about getting it all perfect – our career, our house, the way we look.  We tend to not want to think about death, it’s a morbid subject and we certainly don’t want to think about the death of loved ones – we hope they’ll live forever.

Let’s face it though; it’s only when something ends we talk about how much we enjoyed it, miss it and how lovely it or they were.  This is true of holidays, leaving speeches, and eulogies at funerals, but why wait until then?  If, like Buddhists, this was our every day and not just in the face of something ending, we’d learn to appreciate what we have, we’d spend our time doing the things that matter with those we love, and we’d tell people what they meant to us and what we appreciate about them.

Bronnie Ware, a palliative care nurse, talks of this in her book Top 5 Regrets of the Dying.  What is it that people regret most looking back on life?  That they’d worked less, appreciated more and lived more true to themselves.

And when our final day comes, because we don’t always get the warning, we’ll have fewer regrets and we’ll have lived each day like we’d have wanted.

This is key to putting the being back into human being and ensuring we’re being alive before we die.

What is it that successful people have in common?

I’ve had the pleasure of spending the last two decades working with leaders and their people.  As part of my job, I get to see under the hood of many organisations, to see what works and what doesn’t.  To see what’s ‘normal’ and what’s unique, and of course what’s changed during the course of the last 20 years.  The answer is a lot.  But one thing that’s remained is the reoccurring themes that present in people who are successful.  There’s some things that high performers often do and they’re often the same.  I notice this in those I work with and those we read about from the celebrity world and Silicon Valley.

They have an ability to consistently perform at their peak and to do this sustainably.  They show up in service of others.  They have clarity and focus.  They remain calm, even amid the chaos.  They know themselves and have discipline in the pursuit of their goals.  They are consistent and optimistic, finding a way through the challenges they face.  They enjoy learning from others rather than feeling threatened by them.  They control their schedule rather than allowing it to control them and that schedule always includes time for them.  They balance work with family and they do work that lights them up and gives them meaning and purpose.

All this might seem easy to say and intellectually understand, but how do we bring it to life without putting additional pressure on our already busy schedules to make some of this stuff happen? 

My experience has been that it’s the small things that make the biggest difference.  If it’s small things we’re looking to implement, they seem more doable too.  They’re more likely to make a difference if we’re able to put them into practice.

Sometimes they seem so small we overlook them or it’s stuff we used to do and then got busy and they dropped off the radar.  Until we get a reminder.  We’ll here’s that reminder.

Managing our mindset, improving our focus and ensuring we’re full of energy can start with the smallest of steps.  It’s how we treat our minds, how we prioritise the good habits, how we make time for the things that refuel our tank and how we integrate strategies that keep us sustainable.

To get the biggest performance gains, try some of these simple strategies:

• Put your phone away for a day

• Go alcohol-free for a week

• Meditate or find some quiet time for solitude and reflection

• Journal your thoughts, your plans, your insights and your successes

• Read a book

• Go to bed early

• Go for an hour’s walk without your device and be in nature; find space.

In a world that celebrates hard work, doing more and quantity, often at the expense of quality, I think these things hold true more than ever.  It’s the product we create, the culture we exist in and the energy we have within that makes the difference. 

These are constantly touted as the keys to peak performance and yet it’s still tempting for us to forget the simple things and believe they can be sacrificed in favour of busyness or getting more done from the to do list.

Yet it’s this stuff that will always be the difference in the quality of what you produce and your ability to continue doing it day after day, to keep you sustainable as well as successful.  Try one thing off this list this week and see how you can incorporate more of this into your schedule.

This is only a start, there’s so many more things we could include on this list.  What are your go-tos?  What do you do that’s small and yet makes a huge difference?

Successful people are also human and they prioritise their human-ness to ensure they can perform.  They invest effort into their being so they can be better in the world.  They bring the being into their human being and they show up fully human.  That is success and it impacts on everything we do from our health to our relationships and our work.

Find out more or book a call and see how we can work together.

Are we living beyond human scale?

The world is changing at a rate we’ve never seen before. Our workplace demographics look different, the expectations and norms are evolving and with hybrid working challenges, increased burnout, the evolution of AI and economic uncertainty, we’re looking to unite around common goals and cultivate a sense of belonging.

The World Economic Form has called it a poly crisis and with the geo-political situation across the globe, cost of living crisis, budget cuts and climate change, there’s a lot to think about.

Post pandemic, we’ve seen a rise of division rather than unity and less tolerance towards others, especially those with views different to our own.  A rise of the far right across many countries politically, and an increase in violence, mis and dis information, provides an ominous future.

Brene Brown has called this ‘living beyond human scale’ and I think this sums it up perfectly.  I reckon that’s why we’re struggling the way that we are and feeling the impact.  We’re simply living a life and in a system our brains and bodies have not been designed for.  It’s like trying to fight a raging bushfire with a garden hose or battle floodwater with a teacup.

Our world has evolved so quickly, especially in the last couple of decades, and we’re not designed to keep up.  It’s having huge impacts on our mental health and ability to live life.  We’re not designed to be connected 24/7 or for this scale of information overload in the brain.  We’re not wired to be sat in offices all day doing work that doesn’t bring meaning, yet takes us away from our families.

Even the food we eat these days isn’t stuff our bodies have been designed to eat.  I reckon it’s why we see so many food intolerances.  It’s not that we have an issue in the body, but rather there’s an issue with what we’re putting in it and how our food sources have changed over recent years.  The same is true of what we’re putting in our minds.

Our constant busyness and drive to do more is increasing our burnout rates and impacting our mental health, and yet we’re conditioned to chase the material and sacrifice what matters.  We’ve been conditioned to think that more is always better and working hard will provide rewards, and that everything on our to-do list should be treated like an emergency.  As a result, we’re living in fight-flight and a constant state of threat when this is designed to be a temporary measure the body undertakes to mitigate risk.

Add to this a massive disconnection and sense of loneliness in a world that’s never been more virtually connected.  We’ve lost real connection in this world of hyper connectivity.  Connection to ourselves (who we are and what’s important), connection to each other (kindness and compassion) and connection to the present moment.  Our loss of connection to nature is contributing to the climate crisis and a fundamental part of our wellness to the point at which green therapy is now prescribed by some doctors.  There’s also the connection to something bigger, our sense of meaning and purpose that so many of us struggle to find in our work, leading to low employee engagement across the globe. 

Our brains are not designed to deal with the barrage of social media we consume.  The reels, the information, the impacts on our attention span and the way we feel about ourselves.  Kids are being diagnosed with a raft of conditions never before known.  It’s got me asking ‘is it the kids or is it the systems we’re trying to fit them into that we’re not designed for?’  Over testing, under resourced teachers, information overload, distracted parents, over protected but under nourished. 

When you look at everything that’s going on for us right now, it’s not surprising it can feel hard.  I believe Brene Brown is right.  This comes about because we’re living beyond human scale.  We’re not designed to cope with the way our world has been set up and we’re seeing the consequences.

It something that saddens me and drives me to make a difference.  I believe the solution lies in calmony.  Connecting to what matters, finding a way that works for us to exist in the world we live and of course to redesign our life so we can live according to human scale not beyond it.

It’s the subject of the next book I’m currently working on and something I think the world needs, now more than ever.

We need space in our lives, our minds and our schedules.  Space to hear the things that matter.  To reconnect with the things that matter and spend time with the people that matter, doing the things that matter.  To reconnect with the things we’ve known for hundreds of years make us whole; nature, each other, our breath, our passion and purpose.

We’ve become human doings rather than human beings and we live a fast life, not always a good one.  I believe the answer lies is cultivating calmony not pursuing happiness.  If we think our happiness is found in external things, we’ll always be searching and we’ll also be at the whim of external circumstances which we know we don’t control.  However, if we cultivate calmony we have an inner peace that is there irrespective on what’s happening externally.  We can control our own sense of joy, fulfilment and happiness – imagine!

It’s about putting the being back into human being and in turn improving our wellbeing and our state of being.  It’ll be a determining factor in those who can thrive and those who are only just managing to survive the world in which we live.

I’m passionate about bringing the ‘being’ back to human-being.  To connect to ourselves and also each other, to connect to something bigger, to know who we are, what lights us up and how we be in the world.

I use ancient wisdom for modern problems.  It’s stood the test of time for a reason and when we come back to basics and combine this unique intelligence with the science that proves it to be true, I believe we best equip ourselves for the future and our chances of happiness.

Happy humans make a better world.

Find out more about the workshops and programmes I run to support you and your team in this current climate.

Begin again

I went surfing recently for the first time in 9 months post-surgery.  This is something I love to do for my health, both physical and mental, and doing it often meant I was getting better.  Having started back again after this break though I’ve noticed my confidence is gone, my skill level needs building up again and I’m a bit rusty as well as being less fit!  It’s a bit like starting again.  I’m having to go back to basics and relearn.

Buddhists have this concept of beginning again.  Even when we’re an expert, sometimes we have to begin again or relearn.  It keeps things fresh, it keeps us curious, and it stops us from thinking we have all the answers and don’t need to learn.

I reckon it’s a healthy approach to most things to remain open, curious and learning.  To go back to basics every now and then to see what we might relearn or do differently and of course as things change, ensuring we also change with them and evolve and grow ourselves.

It’s also great news when we’re struggling, or things aren’t going to plan. This concept of begin again and go back to basics is available to us all.  At any point in time, we can turn the page and write a new chapter to our story, make a change, do something different.

When we’re meditating and our mind is full of busy thoughts, we get to begin again with the next breath.  When we blew the diet over the weekend, we get to begin again on Monday.  When we had a bad day at work, we get to begin again tomorrow.  Where might you want to begin again?  Turn the page and start afresh, go back to basics.

If you’re looking for a speaker for your next event, let’s chat.  Find out more about my popular keynotes here or book a call to see how I might be able to help.

Taking time to transition

Almost a year on from surgery and I’m almost back to full fitness.  It’s exciting.  I’m soon to start surfing again which I’ve missed hugely over the last few months.  As those of you who have recovered from injury know, there’s always some knock-on effects.

I’ve been seeing the osteopath, along with many other health professionals to support my rehab.  Having knee issues, often leads to having other issues.  Everything in our body is connected.  My back is out of alignment because I still have one knee weaker than the other.  Makes sense, right?

What I might have overlooked though is before my surgery I went multiple years walking on a knee that wasn’t right.  My body adjusted to its new normal and now this has been evened out.  My body hasn’t caught up yet though.  Given I’ve walked a few years on a bad knee, I need to relearn and adjust to walking on a good knee now too, and get my back and rest of my body used to this.

It's got me thinking.  If we put our body under duress and pressure, it requires the same amount of time to recover as it took to adjust in the first place.  We can’t just fix it and expect our body and mind to follow.  It takes time.  This is true for burnout, working in a toxic environment or being in an abusive relationship.  We don’t just leave and start afresh.  There’s the transition, recovery and adjustment period.

Science argues that at a cellular level we need to allow the same time for complete recovery as we were under the stress for in the first place - this could be years!

Often it’s like going back to the beginning and allowing ourselves to begin again and start from a clean slate.  Learning to walk properly before I could run properly has been a great way (and very frustrating) to put this into practice.

So if you’re transitioning, allow time, don’t expect perfection or an immediate switch, and know there’s likely to be knock-on effects and impacts whilst you adjust.

Need support with your transition or helping futureproof your team in times of change and uncertainty?  Book a free call to chat about how I might be able to help.

AI, EQ and Authenticity

I’ve launched my podcast this month, it’s very exciting and has meant learning new things.  After navigating my way around the podcast host platform, I’m reflecting on the amount of technology available to us and, in particular, the difference AI is making.

Now I believe AI provides many opportunities and will change the face of how we live and work.  In the same way that social media has.  But like the social media revolution, not all change will be positive, and we’ll have to deliberate between what’s useful to us and what’s not, what adds positively to our lives and what potential negative impacts will come with this evolution.

I’ve played around with AI for my business and whilst I’ve found some fabulous benefits, there’s also a massive risk here for me where authenticity and humanness is concerned.  Most recently demonstrated by my podcast hosting software.  It has this thing called ‘magic dust’ where AI will solve all the sounds issues in your recording to make it sound perfect.  Sounds great right?

So I sprinkled the magic dust across my sound file and awaited the impact – a perfect version of my voice and a flawless recording right?  A sharper sound, crisp and level and yet it didn’t sound like me.  I sounded like a robot.  All of the inflection and emotion in my voice to make points and highlight feelings had been ‘levelled out’.  I reckon this is a massive part of how we connect with each other and for those of us with high EQ it’s the difference in us listening or dismissing what someone is saying.

Most tech developers have a very strong left brain, it’s what makes them good at what they do.  These are often the guys (mostly still men) involved in developing the new tech we’re using now.  I wonder if EQ isn’t a feature in their world, can we expect it to be a feature in the tech they develop?  Probably not.  And yet it’s key to how we connect, if we trust each other and how the message we’re delivering lands (or not). 

I’m also keen for my message to sound like me, not perfect, not like a robot and not devoid of any emotion.  I’ve noticed this with my writing too.  I’ll sometimes put blogs I’ve written through ChatGPT to see if they can be ‘improved’, or sometimes a magazine wants to run a piece of mine but only has space for 800 words so I ask AI to summarise an existing blog to this word count.  Most of the time I prefer what I’ve written to the AI version.  It makes sense, I’m a writer so it’s my skillset.  AI, of course has its place.  If writing is not your skillset, ChatGPT can definitely help.  I’ve found it super useful for coming up with eye catching titles to blogs, newsletters and training programmes, but the content is always better when I write it myself.

So use these tools in a way that works for you but not in a way that compromises your authenticity or takes the humanness out of your work.  I reckon that’s to our detriment.  If we all sound the same, where’s the point of difference?  And whilst I understand I could train AI to ‘write like me’, I already know how to do that myself.  It’s also a process I enjoy and often get more ideas through the process of writing that would not have been created otherwise.

Remember that at this stage of its evolution AI is a reflection of those who are building it and there’s simply not enough diversity there to make it as good as we hope it will be.  This could change over time but in the meantime, I’m a massive fan of the humanness we bring to our work and our worlds, the EQ we rely on to connect meaningfully, and the art of innovation that happens when it’s our own brain at work, not a robot.

 AI is great, humans are better.

Want to chat about preparing your leaders for the future and leveraging your humanness for competitive advantage?  Get in touch to find out more about my workshops and programmes.

Why we’re unhappy and how cultivating contentment could make the difference

What’s the difference between happiness and contentment?  There’s isn’t really one, except how we view them and the approach and then of course the all important way that works (or not). This is the real difference and where we've been going wrong for so long.

Happiness is so often something we pursue, we see it as external to us, it belongs in things and achievements and we can’t feel happy until we get those things.  It’s also short lived this external happiness.  We know this because the house we have and the car we have, even the partner we have was once new and exciting, we thought it’d make us happy.  Now it is a drain on our bank account and leaves dirty dishes in the sink.  My point being once the novelty wears off we realise these external things did not make us forever happy so we continue the search in more and better.

It's not our fault though, our economy is build on this.  We taught to continually pursue things and that it’s never enough, so we buy more and the economy grows.  Our economic growth relies on us feeling unhappy so we search (and spend more) to become happier.  Happiness is not good for the economy – crazy right when literally every advert we watch promises us which ever product is being sold will deliver exactly this.

Inner contentment is a different type of happiness.  It’s a happiness that we control and that’s always there, mostly importantly it’s a happiness that’s not dependent on anyone or anything else.  We don’t have to have the latest gadget or meet the person of our dreams for this kind of happiness.

We’re taught to compare to others and chase after what they have so we can feel successful and like we’re keeping up too.  Again, it’s what our economic growth has taught us as it leads to us feeling like we need to spend more, have more, be more like ‘those who have it all’.  Our social media evolution has exacerbated this further with everyone posting a perfect life to leave us all feeling like we need to be and have more.

If we are putting the keys to our happiness in the pockets of others we’re always going to be disappointed.  We are the architects of our own happiness we just need to turn the focus inwards and stop searching for this externally.

Contentment in the kind of happiness we cultivate inside.  Much of this depends on our mindset and how we think.  How can it not.  Every day whether we feel happy or not starts from our minds and the thoughts we’re having.  We often think it’s external events that make us unhappy: the weather, other people, the news, not getting the job, the supermarket having sold out of milk.  Yet it’s not really the event that makes us unhappy, just our reaction to it.  If we master our mindset for positivity the lens we look at all our of external environment through changes.

One of the greatest lessons I learned from my time with Buddhists (and there were many) was that we don’t see the world as it is, we see it as it appears to us – ie through the lens we’re looking through.  That’s why we can have such divisive opinions about the same thing, even in the same family.  Politics is a great test for this theory!

To build contentment we build our sense of calm and equanimity inside, almost like an armour to the outside world.  A retreat within if you like.  I believe that calm is our default state, we’ve just lost touch of this in our busyness and quest for more.  The constant stress and fast pace lives we live mean that fight flight is closer to our default state rather than a state of arousal designed for a short term survival against imminent and passing danger. 

It’s something I call calmony; a state of harmony that arises when we’re in touch with who we are, satisfied with all we have and at peace with the world.  A state of being that is whole and fulfilled. 

Contentment is also being aware of who we are and what we have and being connected to it too.  Connected to the present, to ourselves and the environment around us, this enable us to appreciate so much more.  We never really have something unless we appreciate it, even if we posses it.  We also feel a deep connection to ourselves and therefore our purpose which allows us to live with more meaning.

The bottom line is, and how we differentiate the difference between the pursuit of happiness and creating contentment is this:

·       The happiness that we pursue and relies in external things so is out of our control is also short lived and fleeting so not lasting.

·       Contentment that we cultivate (calmony) is within our control, goes everywhere with us and is not dependant on anyone or anything else outside of us.  This is what leads to real and lasting happiness.

Creating Calmony

In a world of progress and wealth, mental health struggles and burnout persist, leaving us feeling full but not fulfilled. Our relentless pursuit of happiness through possessions and achievements seems to lead us further from the goal, trapped in a cycle of striving but never arriving.

Do you ever feel there must be more to life than chasing external goals, always waiting for happiness around the corner? Never finding thee time to do the things that really matter?  When we cultivate inner contentment, we discover a happiness independent of external circumstances. Using ancient wisdom to solve our modern problems I believe happy humans make a better world.

I'm passionate about restoring the essence of being human—connecting with ourselves, each other, and something bigger.

We’ve become human doings rather than human beings and we live a fast life, not always a good one.  I believe the answer lies is cultivating calmony not pursuing happiness.  If we think our happiness is found in external things we’ll always be searching and we’ll also be at the whim of external circumstances which we know we don’t control.  However, if we cultivate calmony we have an inner peace that is there irrespective on what’s happening externally.  We can control our own sense of joy, fulfilment and happiness – imagine!

It's like baking a recipe, we have all the ingedients in the tin, we’ve just sometimes forgotten to switch the oven on.  We’re waiting for happiness around the next corner rather than looking at the all the ingredients we already have to create it in our own tin.  Creating calmony is turning on your oven.

This sense of calmony describes the harmony that arises from this contentment within.  The wholeness when everything feels right, our lives have a sense of meaning, we know who we are and we’re not at the whim of external circumstances. It’s a calm and inner peace that we can tap into wherever we are.

How do we get it?  From making the most of our moments.  From creating space in our schedule.  Slowing down.  Meditation, gratitude practices, being in the moment more often.  Being alone from time to time, having time to just be rather than constant doing.  All this stuff we’ve often ignored in favour of chasing the things we think will bring us happiness can in fact create the very contentment we crave.

It’s also found in connection.  We’re more connected than ever before online and yet also increasing lonely and unfulfilled.  We’ve lost real connection in this world of hyper connectivity.  Connection to ourselves (who we are and what’s important), connection to each other (kindness and compassion) and connection to the present moment.  Our loss of connection to nature is contributing to the climate crisis and a fundamental part of our wellness: green therapy is now prescribed by some doctors!  There’s also the connection to something bigger, our sense of meaning and purpose that so many of us struggle to find in our work, leading to low employee satisfaction and engagement across the globe.  Connection is fundamental to calmony and therefore contentment.

Our inner state is the foundation of how we experience the world.  Whilst we think the world is as we see it, it’s really just as it appears to us.  This means we all see the world differently.  What’s bad to us might be good in someone else’s eyes.  If you want to test this out, try discussing politics with your in laws!  I liken it to lenses we look through and the type of lens we see through is dictated by our inner state.

When we create a calm inner world we’re less at the whims of the unexpected things the outer world throws at us too.  Better able to bounce back and stay calm amid the chaos.

I don’t believe calm, clarity and composure is something new we need to learn.  I believe it’s a capability we all have deep within, it’s just that we’ve lost touch with it.  It’s not something we learn it’s something we are.  Calm and composed is our natural state.  Just like water before the weather stirs it up or a stone is thrown into the lake.

It comes from deep knowledge of self and if we can keep coming back to this seed within that’s our essence, without all the stress and busyness, we’ll find this is where the calm lives.  It’s when we get still and quiet we can tap into this state of being.  We remove the layers of stress, busyness and distraction and find it’s been there all along.

When we know ourselves we’re more grounded, we’re better able to regulate our emotions and we know our triggers.  It’s about creating the conditions to be our best self.  Calm and composed is not something we learn, it’s something we are.

It’s the difference between happiness and contentment which I believe is why most of us have found happiness to be more elusive despite us growing richer as a nation with more opportunities than ever before.

Rather than chasing happiness we need to focus on creating calmony.  This is the key to real and lasting happiness and is something we control and carry everywhere with us, not something that’s dependent on others or our external circumstances.

Find out more in my brand new book out in November 2024.

7 ways to know when it’s time to leave

We spend so much of our time at work it makes sense we should be happy there, but so many of us are not.

Having spent a decade in Human Resources and a subsequent decade coaching people since, I’ve been lucky to build a career I’ve dreamed of and interview others that have done the same.  I’ve also seen the other side of this coin.  The question I’m often asked is ‘should I leave?’

It’s easier to think the grass might be greener or maybe the opposite, we worry we’ll be jumping from the frying pan into the fire – both can be valid concerns.  Even when we’re relatively happy in our roles there can be the itchy feet of seeing what’s out there, could I get a promotion, a pay rise or something better for my CV and career ambitions? 

Maybe you want to leave but the benefits and familiarity keep you there.  You’re bored but it’s easy and you like your team right?

It’s times like these it can be hard to know when to stay or go.  And even if we should go, that’s another thing entirely making that leap.  Finding something to go to or worse, leaping into the unknown and wondering how we’ll pay the mortgage after the next few weeks.

Sometimes the answer is obvious.  There’s a pending restructure, your boss is a bully or you’ve been signed off work because the impacts to your health have been so grave.  This is what I call  a burning platform.  You have no choice but to go, the next priority becomes navigating yourself into something better. Yet often the platform can be alight without us realising it’s burning.

In this current climate job security can keep us hanging on for too long.  We’re comfortable, it pays our bills and it’s not that terrible.  So how do we know when to stay or go?

In my experience we always know the answer to this question, it just might be an answer that makes us uncomfortable or that we find a million excuses not to see.  Once we see it we have to take action and that leads us into a scary place of the unknown or having to make change, it’s human nature that this is hard.  That’s why a coach can be useful in figuring this out with you.

From my experience coaching hundreds of individuals and being on the other side of the fence in HR here’s the most common reasons I see people come to the conclusion it’s time to go.

Talent not nurtured – those with talent are hardest to keep, not only do they get bored more quickly but sometimes others who may not be as talented can see them as a threat.  They also have their pick of other roles as they’re in demand. If you’re talented you need constant growth, challenge and development to nurture that talent and a special kind of leader who is not threatend by your ability.

Values mis-aligned – if you’re working with a business or a leader with a very different values set it can be like speaking a different language.  It can also feel like selling your soul each time your values get compromised and this drains us more quickly than we realise. What are your values and do they match with the culture around you?

I’ve outgrown this role/place – ‘it’s easy and I’m coasting’, this can be so hard to leave and yet if you gain satisfaction from achievement and growth it’s a must.  We can become too comfortable and if this starts to have a detrimental impact on our motivation, productivity and performance we need a new challenge.  That might of course be in the role we’re in or the business that employees us – it’s well worth having that conversation first.

I don’t belong here – ever feel like the odd one out?  Like you need to change parts of yourself to be more like everyone else?  When your differences are not appreciated and even worse made to feel like a negative it can be a sign of a mis-alignment of values or a workplace/leader that is not inclusive.  This is not a recipe for getting the best out of you and is often a short cut to second guessing, self-doubting and not feeling good enough.  Start to look for something where you can be apricated for what you bring and an organisation in which you can be yourself.

Toxic culture – this one is probably still, sadly, one of the biggest and most damaging.  There’s no other way around it than to leave.  This is the one where my advice would always be start looking now and start figuring out what kind of culture you’d flourish in.  A seed can never grow in toxic soil, we’re the same.

You don’t have clarity or autonomy to do your job or it’s not recognised or appreciated – there’s no faster way to erode engagement than to not recognise or appreciate our team members and it’s so easy.  If you feel your hard work goes unrecognised, unrewarded or even worse, someone else takes the credit it may be time for a rethink.  Similarly if your boss is a micro manager, you don’t feel trusted or supported or leaders are unable to give you clarity on what’s expected of you.  These are fundamental pillars of good engagement that translates directly into our motivation and performance.  Always have the conversation first internally before exhausting all options and putting one foot out of the door.

Constant change – this can feel like it’s hampering progress when teams seem to have a revolving door and a new manager every 6 months.  We never seen to make progress, we’re always unsettled.  It can be hard to motivate ourselves in this environment.  It also depends on the quality of the leaders managing the change too.  In my experience throughout all of these examples it is true that people most often leave a leader not a job.

It goes without saying that if your current work situation is damaging your health or eroding your confidence it’s time to start planning an exit strategy.  It might be comfortable, the money may be good, it might feel ‘not that terrible’ yet once these impacts begin the hole tends to get deeper.  It’s much harder to find a new role when you’ve got to go out and sell yourself and show prospective employers you at your best when you feel like crap.  If your role is impacting your confidence, your energy or just not stimulating you enough because your under challenged all of this will hamper your progress up and out into something better.

If you’re looking for support on your career journey or need help deciding if you should stay or go and what might be next, I wrote a book called I Love Mondays a few years ago full of practical advice and support, as well as case studies from many people who have done just that.

Putting the being back into human-being

In this age of AI I reckon the value we bring as leaders is in our human-ness/  It’s what will set us part in the future of AI and what will become an even more important part of our role as a result of this future.  There will be much of our roles that AI can do, but the things it can’t do: emotional intelligence, human connection, intuition and bringing the best out of other humans is a critical part of leadership in any generation.  Out of all the things on your position description it’s likely to be the who you are not what you do that AI won’t replicate.

I was watching my dog the other day.  I was chatting to my wife over FaceTime, she’s been working away all week and wanted to chat to the dog (possibly me as well at the same time)!  Even though she could hear and see her it didn’t register with the dog, she wasn’t the least bit interested, barely moved from the couch which is a very different experience to when we’re present in the room and she’s not seen us for five minutes!  Compare that to a walk we had along the beach 2 years after we got her from SPCA where she raced up to a complete stranger like she’d known her all her life.  Only for that stranger to ask if she came from Wellington SPCA who turned out to be her dog walker during the time she was there. 

Why do I share this?  Not to suggest that dogs have emotional intelligence but to demonstrate there’s so much more to being human than simply how we look and sound.  There’s so much that goes on in an exchange beyond this, things that even dogs pick up on.  Scent, tone, body language, energy, atmosphere, intuition and reading between the lines in such a unique human way that we can barely explain what it means or how it works scientifically but we ‘just know’.

It's our human ness that sets us apart and it’s the unique experience of being human that makes us great leaders and allows us to understand other humans and bring the best out of them too.  It’s our point of difference, our unique value proposition and the most valuable skill for the future.

I’m on a mission to put the being back into human-being. In this age of AI and busyness where we’ve become human-doings not human-beings what does being human really mean? When we put the being back into human-being we are more engaged at work, we perform better, we live with purpose and life becomes aligned to what matters.

We’ve focused on wellbeing for decades and yet burnout is on the rise and mental health is still the number one health issue our developed world is facing. It’s time to rediscover what being really means, in our work and in our life. Being is at the centre of everything we are and all that we do.

When we’re able to be ourselves we belong. When we’re able to be present we’re connected to our state of being. We’re aligned to who and what we’re being in the world and we’re able to do our best work - to make an impact. This in turn improves our wellbeing, performance and what it means to be human.

I’m passionate about this because it sits at the core of all of the work I do.  I specialise in building leaders for the future. Creating equity in our workplaces and helping individuals build a life by design to live with purpose. 

Using ancient wisdom to solve modern problems. In the age of AI we’re all about the human-ness of our workplaces and our lives, the things that robots can’t do and the things that will be come even more critical as AI continues to evolve.  Understanding humans is our business and one of the most important ways we’ll navigate the future together.

I dream of a world (and am working to create one) where:

·       Our leaders are energised, they perform at their peak and they are equipped to engage high performing teams and adapt for the future

·       In workplaces that are equal, where everyone can belong, bring their whole selves to work and do their best work.  Where diversity and inclusion isn’t a target or a work programme but just the way things are

·       Where people are well and happy, they are aligned to their values and live a life full of purpose

If you’re keen to help me co-create that world, I’d love to chat about how we can work together.

Autumn is here: acceptance of change using the skill of equanimity

I’ve been in a funk this last week or so and I think it’s weather related.  I wasn’t ready for summer to end and I’m struggling to come to terms with Autumn being upon us.  Chatting to my parents in the UK it’s the opposite, they’re coming out of winter and delighted at the sight of spring flowers and the nights drawing out.  It can be a bit like that with change.

The law of nature is that every season we have also ends, the seasons change regardless of what we try to do otherwise.  Now I can either travel around the world and have a permanent summer (I’ve thought about it!) or I can accept that everything changes and this is the law of nature.

Acceptance of chance is one of the most empowering things we can do because it allows us to move beyond it.  We don’t have to like it just know we can not change it.  When we understand that everything we have whether positive (summer) or negative (winter) will change.  The good and bad come into our lives regardless of who we are and what we’d prefer.  The good news is that if times are tough right now, that’ll pass.  Obviously this works the other way around too.  If it’s sunny in your life right now, enjoy it, that too will change.

Learning to go with the flow of change and accept the present moment regardless of if I like it or not has been key in helping me tap into the skill of equanimity.  This ability to remain calm and centered on the inside regardless of what our external circumstances might be.

 This doesn’t mean I can’t take action to change the things I can. In fact it usually comes from a much more empowered, impactful place when equanimity is involved. As for the things I can’t change, I need to accept them and move on.

With the things happening in our organisations and our country right now this can be a useful point of view as we navigate the future together and travel towards the inevitable winter which will of course become summer again in due course.

Arohanui