What is equanimity and why do leaders need it?

The skill of equanimity is one of remaining calm, even tempered and composed, regardless of what’s happening around us.  It’s the cool head in the heat of the moment and helps us cultivate patience.  Something critical to navigating these times of uncertainty but also critical for leaders.

The person in room with the most control is generally the one with the lowest heart rate.  When you’re in control of yourself you don’t need to control others.

I love combining my decade of leadership with my decade of study with Buddhist monks and nuns. I believe we can learn a lot from ancient traditions and as I weave this ancient eastern wisdom into the western people psychology my career in HR taught me this is the skill that has had the biggest impact.

Equanimity is the mental state of being calm and centred, even in the face of challenging circumstances.  It helps us regulate our emotions, navigate life and excel in leadership.

I was chatting to Dr Ashley Bloomfield at a recent speaker event at our speaking agency.  We were talking about the importance of calm and how it promotes trust.  I said to him “During those pandemic briefings on TV it didn’t really matter what you were saying we all believed you and felt like you had it covered, you delivered it with such calmness you appeared in control and competent” I meant it as a compliment!

It’s true though when a leader is flustered or angry we feel uneasy, it seeps into the team and yet when they present calmly we trust they have it in hand.

This has rung true for me during some of the toughest times in my leadership journey.  Being told a staff member had died by suicide and having to drop everything to go to a meeting room where their team and manager had gathered.  Not only to speak to them but to arrange the logistics of support and communication across the business.  To bring the rest of the staff together to announce the news and manage the subsequent aftermath.  What many said to me during those times has been; ‘you were so calm’.  Often our calm can be contagious, it puts others at ease when we enter a room, before we’ve even said a word.

It also allows us to operate from a place of grounded clarity.  Our brains change in fight or flight and when we’re stressed or worried we don’t perform as well.  We can’t because our bodies decide to focus on the physiological stuff that’ll keep us alive not how well we can articulate the brief.

I like to think of it like the ocean.  Each day, depending on the weather the surface can be different, sometimes the waves are high and it’s quite rough.    It’s impacted by whatever the weather is doing and yet below the surface the water is always still, quiet and calm.  We get a sense of this when diving or snorkelling.

It's a core aspect of zen traditions whether that’s in marital arts or meditation and something I’ve learned from my time with Buddhist monks and nuns.  Many hours of meditation is spent understanding and experiencing that uncomfortable things can happen and yet inside we can remain equanimous.  It’s often not what happens to us but our reaction to it.

Building equanimity can help leaders to handle difficult situations with greater ease and respond with wisdom, instead of reactivity. From my book LeaderZEN, here are some steps to help build equanimity:

1.       Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness meditation is a powerful tool for building equanimity. It helps us become more aware of our thoughts and emotions and to cultivate a sense of detachment from them.

2.       Cultivate gratitude: Focusing on the things we’re grateful for can help to shift the mind away from negative thoughts and emotions and cultivate a sense of composure.

3.       Develop emotional intelligence: Understanding our own emotions and those of others can help us manage them more effectively and respond with greater wisdom and compassion.

4.       Practice self-compassion: Treating ourselves with kindness and compassion, instead of harsh self-criticism, can help to build emotional resilience.

5.       Engage in physical activity: Regular physical activity can help to reduce stress, improve mood, and promote a sense of well-being, which can contribute to building equanimity.

6.       Surround yourself with positive influences: positive people and experiences can help us foster a positive outlook on life and promote emotional stability.

7.       Embrace uncertainty: Embracing uncertainty and practicing acceptance can help to build equanimity, as we learn to let go of our attachment to outcomes we can’t control and focus on the present moment.

 Find out more about my new programme, LeaderZEN and book of the same name here

The power of self mastery for leaders in this new era

“Knowing others is intelligence.  Knowing yourself is true wisdom.  Mastering others is strength.  Mastering yourself is true power” Lao Tzu

We often think about leadership as something we do to, and for, others yet it always starts with us.  Without this deep understanding of ourselves we can not be effective leaders or lead with confidence.  It’s our inner game and how as leaders we lead from the inside out.  A concept I refer to as self-mastery.  Whether it’s martial arts or meditation the zen masters have a deep intimate knowledge of themselves and the utmost self control as a result.

When we have mastered ourselves the rest is easy, but mastering ourselves is also one of the hardest things to achieve.

When we have developed self-mastery, we move forward consciously and steadily towards our goals. We know our purpose, and we have the self-discipline needed to do things in an intentional, focused way.  Self-mastery also means mastering our emotions, impulses, and actions, and is vital in terms of leadership brand.

Self-mastery refers to the ability to control and regulate your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours in order to achieve goals. It involves developing a deep understanding of yourself, including strengths, weaknesses, and values, and using this knowledge to cultivate inner peace, emotional intelligence, and a strong sense of purpose. Self-mastery requires discipline, perseverance, and a willingness to continuously learn and grow, both as a person and as a leader.

A conscious leader is aware, not just of themselves but also of others and their environment.  Conscious leaders are awake to opportunities, they can read a room and they often know what’s going on before anyone has spoken a word.  This deep awareness gives them an advantage and is achieved through self mastery.

The best ways to build awareness are through reflective practices and gathering feedback.  Self mastery isn’t about controlling yourself or dominating those fearful parts within us.  It’s about getting to know these parts, but then transcending them.  It’s why it’s such a challenge because on one hand we have the drive for growth and yet on the other hand a need for safety and these two psychological needs can often compete in this space.  We stop when it gets hard or want to run when the fear arises and yet it’s an inevitable part of our growth.

Self mastery is not to be confused with confidence.  Just because we think we’re great or have it figured out doesn’t mean it’s true.  In fact it’s more likely to indicate we’ve not mastered ourself and is a common theme among narcissists.

Self mastery is to be aware of your strengths and limitations, self disciplined to work on yourself and grow with the self control to exert a strong will against our impulses to steer our inner ship with equanimity.

It’s a commitment to never-ending improvement; it’s a process of becoming.  This journey of self mastery requires us to find ways to transcend fear and break through resistance. 

According to Deepak Chopra to be focused on the path of Self-Mastery requires us to be one-pointed without being rigid. It requires us to stay alert, unemotional, and mature. To be firm without oppression, to be resolved without judgment, to be strong with humility. It requires us to practice silence and stillness so our inner wisdom can reveal itself. Self-Mastery also requires us to be courageous, to step out from the crowd.

My advice is always to take it slowly.  Self mastery can take years so patience is a must.  Always ask yourself “what have I learned from this?” Take small steps along the path by setting small goals.  Go easy on yourself and know we’re all a work in progress and this doesn’t stop us also being a masterpiece at the same time. 

What does your personal development plan look like?  What’s your vision for your future self?  What kind of leader are you and who do you want to be?

Authentic leadership and the power of leading like you live

“True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are, it requires us to be who we are” Brene Brown

I love the concept of leading like you live.  It is congruent and authentic and allows a human centered leadership that means we’re bringing our whole selves to work.

When I first entered into management in a male-dominated timber manufacturing business in the UK, I used to think showing any signs of kindness would be viewed as weak. I used to play down skills like empathy and try to act like the tough business leader I thought the world expected me to be.

Authenticity wasn’t talked about then, certainly not in leadership.  I used to feel like I took my ‘Jess’ hat off at the door and put my leadership hat on which was a sort of armor based on who I thought a leader should be.  None of it was authentically me but I was desperate to fit the mould and had no other experience to draw from.

I now run lead with confidence programmes for emerging leaders and when we start a new cohort there’s always people waiting to be told the secrets, given the key to the secret leadership box and learn a whole heap of new skills they didn’t know in order to be ‘a leader’.  It makes sense as that’s how we prepared for our technical roles, often for decades. 

Learning what we needed to know and becoming qualified before we got the job.  Leadership tends to happen the other way around and most of us learn by doing.  It’s true though that most of the unique skills and traits we’ve had since school are the same ones we end up relying on when we get into leadership.

My mentor and leadership expert, Matt Church often says it’s a predisposition not a position and I think this is so true.  It’s a way of being not a title – something we are not what we do.

It’s why authenticity and self awareness are so important.  When we are authentic we are:

• true to our own personality, values, and essence (regardless of any pressure to act otherwise)

• We’re honest with ourself and with others

• We take responsibility for our mistakes

• Our values, ideals, and actions align

The biggest two challenges to us achieving this in my experience are comparison and perfection.  Even when we know who we are we sometimes wish we were a little bit better, or more like that person.

Brene Brown explains this beautifully in Atlas of the Heart; “Comparison is the crush of conformity from one side and competition from the other.  It is trying to simultaneously fit in and stand out.  It says be like everyone else but better.”

As humans we are predisposed to compare to others.  There is sometimes this feeling the grass might be greener or we’d be better leaders if we were more like them.

It can be our comparison to others that encourages us to aim for perfection.  A common trait in high achievers, it often comes from our fear of failing or making a mistake.  Yet as humans that’s an inevitable part of us learning and growing.  The drive for perfection often comes from an insecurity based on not being good enough.  We’re trying to prove ourselves and over deliver when we aim for perfection.  It’s understanding the difference between excellence or mastery and that additional, unrealistic, step perfection.  Perfection wants to deliver above and beyond excellence and mastery and we know that doesn’t always exist.  Which is why so often when we aim for perfect we set ourselves up to fail.

Yet perfection is often held up as the standard we should aspire to and a positive trait in leaders.  My experience is that it actually puts us at higher risk or burnout, micro managing and never feeling like we’ve achieved enough.  It’s also less authentic.  Dame Jenny Shipley said at a conference I was at one year “the closer you are to perfect the less people will trust you”  it really stuck with me.  In an era where we prize human centered leadership and authenticity, appearing superhuman or not real in some way means people are less likely to feel we’re genuine.  They’re less likely to build trust and connect with us as a leader.  When we’re authentic and congruent and vulnerable about our imperfections this is so much easier to trust and connect to because people can see it’s real.  It’s a fundamental component of human centred leadership.

When we show up as human we’re more genuine, people trust us and can see we have integrity.  There’s a congruence that comes with authenticity.

Whilst vulnerability is hard it becomes an advantage in the leadership space when building an authentic brand.

7 ways to stop you and your team burning out

The World Health Organisation predict burnout will be a global pandemic in less than a decade and The  World Economic Forum estimates an annual burnout cost of GBP 225B to the global economy.  We know there’s an organisational cost of burnout too with increased turnover, absenteeism and of course the obvious impact on performance. 

Burnout has increased since the pandemic and the future is uncertain. Here are 7 ways you can beat burnout for yourself and your team.

1.      Mind your busyness – it’s not a badge of honour or a reflection of how valuable you are.  It’s a sign you’re not at your best if you’re always busy and probably running on an empty tank.  Slow down so you can be effective, rather than busy.

2.      Prioritise rest and self-care to build your resilience and ensure you are a sustainable resource.  Talk about the things you do with your team and ask others what they do to keep this front of mind and show it’s an important part of leading yourself regardless of your role/hierarchy.

3.      Know your triggers when burnout is approaching, audit your energy levels and fuel the tank as necessary.

4.      Master the art of tiny gains and focus on one thing at a time.  Teams with too many priorities will feel overwhelmed and spread too thin.  It’ll also hamper their progress on said priorities.  Out of all your priorities which is the actual priority for now.  The most important thing for day or this week?  Start there.

5.      Structure your life for success (harness the power of good habits).  This can be as simple as taking a lunchbreak, introducing walking meetings or keeping a tidy desk.  This also means delegating, setting boundaries and saying no to ensure you’ve not overcommitted or spread yourself too thin.

6.      Create space. Thinking space is so critical; it’s where we innovate, it’s how we think strategically, it’s how we calm our minds, it’s also how we focus and gain clarity to make decisions and solve problems.  Not to mention the impact it has on overwhelm, stress and our emotional regulation.  Make sure there’s space in your schedule.  It’s often where we add the most value and impact because of the ideas we generate that our creativity simply can’t access in a busy, noisy, overloaded brain doing back to back meetings and a hundred emails.

7.      Get your flow on – the art of flow increases our productivity and focus allowing us to access a state of deep work.  Know the kind of environment you need for focus and understand your daily rhythms so you know when you’re at your most productive.  The same goes for those you work alongside.

Most importantly, as a leader, role model this stuff.  Your people follow your example rather than your opinion.  It’s not good telling everyone else to log off and go home to rest if you’re still sending emails at 10pm.

These are just a few of the tips from my Burnout to Brilliance programme where we so the practical work to bring these theories to life.  It’s designed to allow us to find more time, to battle the busyness and cut through the noise to do important work, to improve our focus.  It helps us understand burnout and avoid it.  It helps our teams improve their productivity and focus.  To understand the habits of high performing people and how we can hack some of those habits to gain control of our schedule and to overcome some of the overwhelm that can happen when we get busy. 

Burned out staff will not perform at their peak, they will also not be engaged.  We know that that has an impact on the bottom line.  Retention will suffer as they won't be sticking around and there will be the obvious impact on productivity.  To enable your team to perform at their peak, to re-energise, to re-engage, to press reset.  We need a new way of thinking, a new way of doing things. To develop some practical strategies to wipe the slate clean, move forward and to be our best without burning out in the process. 

Find out more about the Burnout to Brilliance Programme for your organisation here.

The beginner's mind and why we're all constant learners

“You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously” Sophia Bush

Do you speak to give knowledge or listen to gain it?  There’s a place for both and as a leader ensuring there’s a balance of both is crucial.

In the past knowledge has been power and there’s been a pressure for leaders to know all the answers or to be the ones telling others what they think or how it should be done.  This means it gets done your way but not necessarily the best way.

Growth and development is an area I’ve worked in for years and a passion I’ve always had. I believe we can be both improving and learning as well as being amazing and brilliant – all at once.  Buddhists talk of, the beginner’s mind.  Approaching everything with a curiosity that we’re here to learn even if we’ve done it before because the reality is we’re always learning, there’s always growth.  We’re always a beginner even when we’re an expert.

Ako is a traditional Māori practice that means both 'to learn' and 'to teach' and I think that sums it up perfectly.

We can put so much pressure on ourselves to know all the answers or be the expert and it can be uncomfortable to sit in this place of learning, of not knowing.  But it’s this open and curious mind that keeps us developing and growing and helps us achieve our potential.

It’s this theory of improving ourselves rather than trying to prove ourselves.  That we’re learning and growing not trying to validate or prove we’re good enough.

No matter how much experience, awards or titles we have we’re still learning.  It’s retaining this curiosity and knowledge that we never know it all that keeps us open and agile to things we may otherwise miss.

I’m the first to admit, regardless of what I’m speaking about that I’m not to only expert in the room.  The richness of the conversations and the resulting ideas and new thoughts I then have from those events can prove invaluable.

Last year I got into a habit of rereading books I’ve already read.  I’d never thought of it before until someone suggested it to me.  My friend made a valid point.  We don’t retain most of the information when we read it the first time and were a different person now than we were 5 years ago when we read it so we’ll probably get different value from it too.  There might have been things we didn’t understand or forgot completely or just make more sense now.  A way of revisiting ideas and seeing how they apply now. 

Remaining curious means we’re more likely to collaborate and accept we’re not the only expert in the room.  It takes a lot of courage to admit to not knowing or to seek help and support.  It’s a courageous act for a leader to embrace this beginners mind and commit to being a constant learner and yet one that also makes us better leaders.

14 things leaders can learn from zen traditions

Adrianna Huffington said ““We are at an inflection point for leaders.  But meeting the challenges of navigating the new normal isn’t just about looking out; it’s about looking in.  What’s missing from our conversation is how leaders need to show up ready to lead from what is best, wisest, more creative and empathetic in them”

Leadership has been evolving for the last decade and the pandemic and has seen yet another iteration as we keep up with the ongoing demands of the role.  A shift from a traditional style of leadership to embrace leading a new generation and a post pandemic workforce requires leaders who are authentic, calm, empathetic and collaborative.  Leaders who have compassion, patience and the ability to listen, those not afraid to be vulnerable. With strong awareness they are adaptable and capable of leading others through change whilst regulating their own emotions.

Whether it’s talent shortages, recruitment difficulties, performance management, engagement or staff morale leaders carry a high burden which has been exacerbated by the global pandemic.  Battling with empathy fatigue, change weariness, integrating hybrid working and trying to keep a culture of collaboration.  It’s no wonder burnout is on the rise as we not only adapt to a new normal but also lead others through this landscape.

It's what lead me to write LeaderZEN and share what we can learn from zen traditions to support leaders in this new era.  I have been fortunate to spend a decade in HR and leadership development, have been a senior leader myself and have also spent a decade studying across the globe with Buddhist monks and nuns.  This ability to weave ancient eastern zen wisdom into our western people psychology of leadership development has combined to form LeaderZEN and things we can learn about self-mastery to make us better leaders.

What can leaders learn from zen traditions and what does a zen leader do and why is it so impactful?

1.       Equanimity: Zen leaders maintain an even and stable mind, not easily swayed by emotions or external events.

2.       Personal growth: Leaders can use zen teachings to continually strive for personal growth and development, which can lead to more effective leadership.

3.       Compassion: Zen leaders approach their work and interactions with compassion, understanding, and empathy, treating all individuals with kindness and respect.

4.       Wisdom: Zen leaders approach problems and challenges with wisdom, using a holistic and intuitive perspective to find solutions.

5.       Authenticity: Zen leaders lead with authenticity, being true to themselves and their values, and modeling transparency and honesty.

6.       Flexibility: Zen leaders are flexible and adaptable, remaining open to change and new ideas.

7.       Emotional intelligence: Zen leaders have high emotional intelligence, being aware of their own emotions and able to effectively manage them, as well as understanding and managing the emotions of others.

8.       Simplicity: Zen leaders focus on what is important, simplifying their approach and avoiding unnecessary complexities.

9.       Self-awareness: Zen leaders are highly self-aware, having a deep understanding of themselves and their impact on others.

There’s a lot we can learn from zen traditions and how they apply to leadership to improve our capability and help us navigate this new era of leadership post pandemic.  For those keen to go a bit deeper with this here’s a few more zen principles I think are useful for leaders to contemplate:

10.   Mindfulness and awareness: Leaders can learn to be present in the moment and maintain a clear mind to make informed decisions.

11.   Non-attachment: Leaders can learn to let go of attachment to status and ego which can reduce stress and increase focus on what is truly important.  Allowing us to be more collaborative and inclusive.

12.   Interdependence: Leaders can understand that everything is interconnected, and that success depends on the well-being of others, not just themselves.

13.   Ethical behaviour: Leaders can inform their own moral code of conduct similar to the Buddhist Eightfold Path, which lays out guidelines for ethical behaviour and decision-making in zen traditions.

14.   Acceptance: Leaders can learn to accept life's impermanence and to not attach to outcomes, which can increase resilience in the face of change and uncertainty.

By embodying these traits, leaders can become more zen which in turn create a work environment that is supportive, empowering, and productive, fostering growth and well-being for themselves and their teams.

Find out more about LeaderZEN here

Lift as you climb: allies or queen bees?

I was talking about the role of allies at a recent WIL event.  Some of the stories that emerged were not always about needing other genders to be allies but how we as women treat each other.  As women I’ve always believed we need to lift as we climb and support each other on our journeys but this doesn’t always happen, why?

There’s a few reasons at play:

Lack of representation: In some cases, there may be so few women in leadership positions that there is a scarcity mentality around women's leadership. This can create a situation in which women feel like they have to compete with each other for a limited number of opportunities.  We can also see other women as competition sometimes and a threat to our own career advancement, especially if we feel there’s a limited number of roles for women to go around.  This leads to us being rivals not allies to each other.

These behaviours can also come from an assumption that women need to be more aggressive and look after number one in a bid to be more authoritative, or adopt a more masculine style of leadership so many of us have had role modelled over the years.  We might dim our femininity in a bid to be taken more seriously as a leader or fit in around a table dominated by men.

And of course we can’t over look the role of internalised sexism: Women, like men, can be socialised to believe in gender stereotypes that portray women as less competent, less decisive, and less deserving of leadership positions than men.

Regardless of what plays into it my view is that when women behave in this way it comes from a place of fear, insecurity and scarcity.  Either because they’ve had it hard or feel there’s not enough leadership roles for women to go around and feel patch protection of their own place.  Above all though it’s likely to come from their own insecurities and feelings they’re not good enough or don’t belong.

It is my firm belief that we are stronger together than we are apart. Collaboration is such an important part of our success and yet we’re taught to compete with each other as women and that our success should be at the expense of someone else’s.

It’s led to the term ‘Queen Bee’ meaning one who has succeeded in her career, but refuses to help other women do the same.  But it’s not just the scarcity mind-set that feeds this behaviour. Lack of self-awareness can play a major role. Competitive threats or simply the feeling that if I had to do it tough so should you. 

Sadly there are examples of good people and not so good people in our work regardless of gender. Examples of those with EQ and those who lack that awareness and emotional agility – again regardless of gender. 

We should also not underestimate the decades of role modelling and masculine leadership styles we’ve been exposed to either. For some women there is still a sense of feeling like we need to be more like men and more aggressive to be taken seriously or succeed. They are fearful of been seen as too soft or weak so go way too far in the other direction in a bid to be seen as ‘leadership material’. 

But most of what I’ve witnessed and researched leaves me to conclude that much of the Queen Bee behaviour comes from women’s own insecurities. Those who are scared to death of getting ‘found out’ or exposed as not being up to leadership roles, not belonging in the workplace and at this senior table dominated by men. 

We know the leadership journey is more difficult for women and it doesn’t stop when they arrive either. So whilst these women may have it hard that’s still no excuse for queen bee behaviour.  We’re in a position to help them understand what it’s been like for us and mentor them through the journey they’re on that we’ve already taken. This doesn’t mean we’re being soft or weak, in fact it’s a strength of a leader if we can help others develop and succeed. 

Leaders can be firm but fair without needing the aggression or sabotage often see by Queen Bees. Firm but fair looks like; High expectations, holding you to account, feedback and suggestions for ways you can improve, expecting delivery as per your role and wanting the best from you. However, Queen Bees often over step the mark and when the line is crossed this can manifest as bullying.

Glorified by movies like The Devil Wears Prada and books like Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office there was a pressure for women to need to be less feminine to succeed, to be less like a woman if you wanted to be a leader and to disregard kindness, collaboration, authenticity and some of the things we now know to be so critical.

In 1974, an article published in Psychology Today quoted (Tavris): “There is a group of antifeminist women who exemplify what we call the Queen Bee syndrome … The true Queen Bee has made it in the “man’s world” of work, while running a house and family with her left hand. “If I can do it without a whole movement to help me,” runs her attitude, “so can all those other women.”

But back in the 70’s the fierce and feared leadership style was favoured regardless of gender, a point Sherly Sandberg makes; “Women aren’t any meaner to women than men are to one another. Women are just expected to be nicer. We stereotype men as aggressive and women as kind. When women violate these stereotypes, we judge them harshly,” the Facebook COO wrote in The New York Times, 2016.

So perhaps it’s the simple fact that some people are nice and others not so much – regardless of gender. We all have examples of leaders we’d work with again in a heartbeat, and examples of those who’ve scared us for life and those examples include all genders. 

So whilst nightmare bosses will always exist regardless of gender, being able to lead ourselves and support others in the process and stand in our power is crucial. To feel confident enough to not need to be different or tougher or more masculine aids our strength as a leader. This also puts us in a prime position to help others succeed, to mentor, inspire others, help those that need it and lift as we climb.

In the spirit of collaboration and my firm belief that we are stronger together than we are apart, I enjoy bringing women together to share their wisdom to help inspire, motivate and empower each other.

Summed up perfectly in this whakatauki - He waka eke noa. We’re all in this together (all in the same boat) and I believe we’re more powerful together than we’ll ever be apart.

Find out more about my gender equity work and bringing my popular women’s leadership programme into your organisation.

Understanding the allies bell curve to embrace equity

Today I’m thinking about the humble bell curve, which can apply to most trends and I think applies to Allyship too.  As with most things there are the minority at the top already doing the mahi and succeeding, there are those at the bottom not the least bit interested (and in some cases actively working against allies) and then there’s most others who sit somewhere around the middle.

In a bell curve for Men as Allies we’ll often find in the bottom minority the misogynists (potentially lost to the cause and likely to get left behind - I see some of them occasionally trolling my linked in feed!)  The top of the curve are the amazing minority at the other end of the scale.  They actively speak out and don’t fear the backlash from other men, they are all about staying ahead and comfortable in their own masculinity they don’t see equity as a threat, they see is for what it is – good for the world.  I’ve had the pleasure of meeting a few of these men.  Then there’s the majority in the middle.  Good men who want to help but don’t know how or are worried they’ll say the wrong thing or just blissfully unaware that the world is any different to anyone else without their privilege.  Changing the majority shifts the curve as we know.  Look at the example with Te Reo in the workplace.  A decade ago we barely heard it outside of Kaupapa maori organisations and now you’re the odd one out if you can’t do your pepeha to welcome a new staff member.

Those men who are at the top end of this curve are generally high in EQ, they are courageous so don’t fear standing up for those with less privilege than them.  They understand that’s what’s required to create a better world and are often more open, collaborative and empathic.  They want to use their privilege for good and don’t fear the locker room boys chat or questions from men who get more scared when they stand up for women.  Anyone who does this has to be comfortable in their own skin, authentic and brave, they also see kindness as a strength, don’t have a scarcity mindset and know they’ll always get a piece of the pie based on their advantage and there’s enough of said pie to go around.  These are the men who’ll change the world.  They’re also smart because others not on this journey risk getting left behind.  They see the world is changing and they’re ahead of that change and adapting with it.  Those getting left behind are generally angry, scared and feeling irrelevant, which is why we see some of the behaviors we do.  It comes from a place of insecurity and fear, a scarcity mindset.  A feeling that I’m losing out and the world is changing in a way that threatens my privilege.

So how do we bring everyone on this journey and ensure the curve shifts.  With more allies the equity journey becomes so much easier and it’s one that everyone is traveling then too.

In my activating allies programme there are 3 steps: Awareness, Understanding and Action

First we need to become aware of our own privilege and aware of the experience of others, how this differs and why allies are so important.

 Then to understand what this is about, how I get involved and how to do that in a way that gives me confidence I’m not going to say or do the wrong thing.  I also need to understand the why and what’s in it for me so I can buy into the effort this requires on my part too.

 I also think there’s an important part of the journey here when men not only understand their role and why this is worth the effort but have the opportunity to share concerns and worries.  To unpick the scarcity that can come from giving up space for others that has only been ours for so long.  To be heard and not feel canceled.  This needs to be done in a mana enhancing way to ensure everyone can move forward together.

Once I understand and believe in the Kaupapa I’m empowered to step up and make small steps to becoming an Ally.  I’ve learned what to look out for and what small changes I can make to use my privilege well and support others who don’t have the same privilege.

This increased understanding and ability to make a difference means I’m less fearful of what I might lose and aware of what everyone stands to gain.  I’m doing my bit and it feels good.

When this happens others start to follow suit, we see a shift in the curve as we move to the right and progress.  I’m reminded of the 90’s when moisturizer became a thing for men, pink shirts and everything else my fathers generation would never been seen dead doing!

In this space the scarcity disappears I feel heard and I’m not canceled.  Equity is not an us and them journey but one we’re all in together for the good of our organisations, our families and the world.

The bottom line is the world is changing, we are progressing and those at the bottom end of the bell curve may get left behind but the majority in the middle are an important part of our success and in many cases open and willing to come along on this journey when activated.

Find out more about my activating allies programme here.

Equity is for all: reducing division and activating allies

The rise of women does not mean the downfall of men.  It is not an us and them, we’re all in this together.  Equity is for the good of the world and everyone who lives in it regardless of gender (and other intersections).  What I’ve seen has led me to conclude that the fear and scarcity around this subject is causing division and it’s delaying progress.

If women gain equity in the leadership space, the pay space and at home does it mean that men lose out?  This is the fear.  That I might get less if you get more.  Equity is not a share of a pie that we’re rationing to go around.  There’s enough for everyone and everyone benefits.  Add to that of course that minority groups are not asking for more just the same as majorities have always had!

But this is also why people can feel threatened – leading to this fear response, a defensiveness, a scarcity mindset. It’s why allies are so important on this journey.

An ally is comfortable in their own skin, authentic and brave, they also see kindness as a strength, don’t have a scarcity mindset and know they’ll always get a piece of the pie based on their advantage and there’s enough of said pie to go around.  These are the men who’ll change the world.  They’re also smart because others not on this journey risk getting left behind.  They see the world is changing and they’re ahead of that change and adapting with it.  Those getting left behind are generally angry, scared and feeling irrelevant, which is why we see some of division and behaviors that go with it.  It comes from a place of insecurity and fear, a scarcity mindset.  A feeling that I’m losing out and the world is changing in a way that threatens my privilege.

We all have something to offer.  Giving a voice to others does not mean mine isn’t heard.  The data tells us that if we’re in a majority group we’ll not struggle to get pay increases, leadership roles or any other opportunity available to us.

We’re not wrong for having privilege but we do need to learn how to use it and understand that because of it our experience is vastly different to that of others.  Rather than being defensive about this though or feeling guilty if we come from a place of curiosity and learning we can listen to the experience of others, understand how we can support and use our privilege to make the world a better place.

We need to respect everyone’s voice, not cancel out those we think have had the majority of the air time.  It needs to be done in a mana enhancing way so that everyone’s heard, everyone’s experience is validated.  I think from this comes a willingness to engage, to listen, to understand other view points other than our own and a greater likelihood that we’ll all be part of this journey to embracing equity and making a real difference in the world.

This starts by understanding privilege and unconscious bias.  Becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable and being in a vulnerable place of not knowing all the answers or being the only expert in the room.  It requires us to listen before we speak and collaborate with curiosity rather than assume my experience is the only one and therefore correct.

For example as a white woman it’s easy to believe all lives matter because mine always has (that’s my experience and privilege).  As a woman of colour this experience is vastly different which is why the black lives matter movement is so important.  Even as a member of a minority group I don’t except that my experience is the same as others.  I can share my views but they’re not the views of all women or all members of the rainbow community.  We’re all different which is why it’s so important to listen and seek to understand before we assume our experience is the only one that’s valid.

But it also takes bravery to step into this space.  For many men, standing up for women or minority groups or calling out behavior of other men is a risk.  When men speak out they also fear what other men think (the locker room chat).  Like at school the peer pressure or desire to fit in can play a part here.  It’s why helping allies understand what’s in it for me and is it worth the effort is also part of this journey.  Men who are comfortable in their own skin, educated, high in EQ and confident in their masculinity don’t have this trouble – these are the ones already speaking out and embracing equity in their homes and workplaces.

If we’re all heard and understood and come from a place of learning to understand then I believe we can all further the progress of equity in our workplaces and the world together.  It’ll remove the fear and scarcity, break downs some of the divisions when we realise we’re all in this together – and we’ll make a lot more progress.

“If you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far, go together” - African proverb

Find out more about how we can work together to achieve this in your organisation in my new Activating Allies programme.

Creating an environment for creativity & focus

I’ve just been away for the week to write my sixth book.  After six I’ve experimented with a number of techniques and have found a focused retreat the quickest and most effective way of getting the words on a page (albeit a very rough first draft!)  People have asked me, how do you know you’ll be creative on that week though and be able to write?

The answer is I don’t.  But I do know how to set my environment up to make that more likely to happen.  For me that’s no social media or calls.  No emails or internet (I leave gaps to insert the research I find later or already have filed away).  It’s a change of scenery that’s not my own house or office so nothing else needs doing other than writing.  I have all the supplies I need and I shut myself away, alone in a beautiful cottage by the beach if possible and, often rural.

And on the days when I don’t feel the creative muse.  I go for a walk or make some food or sit outside in the sun to mix things up and flick the creative switch on.  The most important thing for me is creating the space and not having the distractions, without that I know I’m much less creative.

We know we need space in the brain to innovate and space to focus to do our best work.  This is top of mind for me as I reap the rewards of a 10 day silent retreat over the Christmas break.  No talking, no distractions and my phone turned off and locked in a draw.  Whilst it had it’s challenges the space and focus and ideas and creativity that followed has made it worth it.

Interruption Science is the study of the effect of disruptions on job performance especially for those working in an office environment.  According to a University of California-Irvine study, regaining our initial momentum following an interruption can take, on average, upwards of 20 minutes.  It makes it more difficult to get anything done and actually means we are taking longer to get tasks completed by not giving them our full attention and trying to multi task. 

An experiment conducted at the University of London found that we lose as many as 10 IQ points when we allow our work to be interrupted.  That’s the equivalent to missing a whole night's sleep and more than double the 4-point fall seen after smoking marijuana.  Even short interruptions are thought to have a negative impact, for example silencing the phone or checking the screen to see who’s calling.  That’s even when you decide not to answer because you don’t want distracting.  A study by Michigan state University, in which 300 people performed a sequence-based procedure on a computer, found that interruptions of about three seconds doubled the error rate.

Author Pico Iyer talks of interruption science in his book The Art of Stillness, Iyer says, “it takes 25 minutes to recover from things like a phone call yet such interruptions come every 11 minutes so we never really catch up with ourselves”. 

A number of my clients this year are focusing on their relationships with social media and distractions as part of their new year rituals.  In a bid to get more time back in their life, less noise, less overwhelm and information overload.  Afterall it’s not just the amount of information our device exposes us to it’s the way this information can make us feel too!

One of the quickest wins for getting us more focus and time is our relationship to social media and a devices in general.  Afterall they are made to distract us and once they’ve got our attention designed to make sure we waste as much time scrolling as possible.

If you’re looking to reduce your information overload and the distractions from your device or social media here are a few things I’m doing and others have found useful too.

·       Set times you’ll not use your device:  Not before 9am or after 9pm as an example.  This gives your brain a chance to wake up and stops it interrupting our sleep at the other end of the day. 

·       Or perhaps certain places: No phone in the bedroom or at dinner table might work for you. 

·       Detox times once a month on a Sunday, switch it off or put it in a draw for a few hours. 

·       Remove the Facebook app from your phone (just check once a day from your laptop)

·       Monitor the screen time app: do you know what your stats?  Which apps are sucking the most time from you and what are you getting in return?  What’s an achievable number to aim for?

Would love to hear other tips you’ve tried and how you create space to get the best from your brain.

One simple way to get better at self-care

One of the things so many of my clients struggle with is putting themselves first.  It’s not that we don’t know what we need to do to stave off burnout and look after ourselves better.  Magazines have been telling us this stuff for decades.  It’s that we feel we don’t have time and that’s because we don’t make time.  There’s always something or someone else we deem more important than our own self-care.  We’re last on our own list and we simply don’t prioritise this.

Working with a recent client I asked her to name all the reasons self care was important beyond the fact it’s good for us!  Eventually we landed on the ‘aha’ it’s role modelling for the kids.  I want my children to look after themselves so I have to show that it’s important.  This was a game changer for her.  A motivator for self care that has meant she’s now doing this for her kids not just herself.  It’s an opportunity to change their future and ensure they look after themselves by the example she sets them.

Putting you first allows you to give to others, it allows you to perform at your peak and it makes you a better person to be around.  So not just good for you but good for everybody, especially those we love.

If we started looking at this as a necessary part of doing our job (which it is), we’d struggle less to prioritise it.  If we continue to look at this as an indulgence or a treat that we feel guilty for allowing ourselves then it’ll always be last on the list or ‘bumped’ for the things we deem more important (which sadly for most women that’s everything but ourselves).

So what are you motivators for self-care, what are the reasons you can think of that make this is must do activity to make time for?  Once we’ve stumbled on that we’ll find it much easier to make time for it and make sure it happens and there’s less guilt attached too!

the power and impact of creating space

I’ve always loved learning from other cultures and ancient wisdom in particular.  We tend to see these things come back into fashion and pitched to our western world as the new solution and yet it’s never really that new.  Yoga was ancient wisdom well before lululemon found it.  Monks were meditating well before mindfulness become fashionable and our Maori ancestors were well versed in our connection to the land and living in harmony with whenua before climate change was on the agenda.

In particular though I’ve always marvelled at how ancient cultures all over the world have valued space and time to think.  Whether it’s monks in caves, pilgrimages or aboriginal walk abouts there are many examples of people prioritsing space and solitude - getting away from it all and just being.  It’s also a practice that cultivates deep connection to something bigger and in many ancient cultures is a practice considered to make you wiser!

I couldn’t agree more and it’s the foundational practice that has enabled me to innovate, problem solve, get perspective and gain greater clarity which is why I’m a passionate advocate.

However in our busy modern lives we’ve deprioritised space and quiet in favour of busyness, noise and doing.  We live in a world of information overload, fast living and full schedules where we think we can get more done and yet the quality and value of what we’re doing has been suffering for years.  I believe the answer lies in cultivating this space and quiet.  As Ram Dass said “the quieter you become, the more you can hear”

This thinking space is so critical.  It’s where we innovate, it’s how we think strategically, it’s how we process our thoughts and calm our minds, it’s also how we focus and gain clarity to make decisions and solve problems.  Not to mention the impact it has on overwhelm, stress and our emotional regulation.

The practice of being by ourselves and getting some quiet space helps improve our focus and concentration and tap into a different part of the brain.  Yet it’s a practice we’ve become uncomfortable doing and under valued for too long.  It’s not easy to sit with our own thoughts these days but it’s possible the most impactful thing you can do.

I don’t all mean we need to find a cave to meditate in.  It’s making the most of our moments, the purposeful pauses throughout our day.  Detaching from our devices for a few hours.  Spending some time in nature.  Being by ourselves and not watching, reading or listening to anything.  Being present in your surroundings.  Journalling.  Going for a walk or a swim.  Finding space to think and be without consuming. 

I believe it’s where we create the most value and impact both in life and in work when we give the brain space to think.  It’s where our best ideas come from and where we gain clarity and focus.  Yet so often we prioritise doing over being.  Being busy and getting things done believing this is how productivity works. 

I’d encourage you to seek the difference between quality and quantity, consider how you add impact and value above hours worked and busy distractions.  Where can you carve out time and space in your schedule to think?

Plan A and B, making self care doable

I ruptured my cruciate ligament playing soccer many years ago and since then surgeries and physio have been part of my rehab.  At a recent review the physio gave me just 2 exercises.  She said, I don’t give people anymore because they simply don’t do them.  It got me thinking about setting realistic expectations and setting ourselves up for success.  She’d made it achievable and it worked, I remembered what they were and I’ve been doing them!

So often as high achievers we want to do it all and do it all perfectly and if we can’t we feel we’ve failed.  But what if we just focused on the basics, made it more achievable.  Especially where self-care is concerned.

Some days I have time to do yoga, meditate, go for a walk and prepare nutritious food.  Other days the only thing I can do is go to bed early and drink plenty of water.

There’s this concept one of my mentors Matt mentioned to me recently.  He has a plan A and and plan B for his morning self-care routine.  Plan A is always our preference and yet it’s the hardest to stick to when times get busy.  If we can’t do plan A we often end up doing nothing and then feel bad.  What if there was a plan B to fall back on?  A mini, doable version of Plan A for those busy days.

If I’ve got the time my Plan A is a yoga class, meditation before I leave the house, a walk with the dog at lunchtime and bed before 10pm.  On the days I’m up early for a flight, speaking at a conference and then at the conference party that night the plan B becomes a meditation app on the flight and some stretches before bed.

Plan B is like a mini, less time consuming version of plan A so ideal for those times we get busy and feel like we don’t have time for self-care.  And most importantly a way of still ensuring we can do the stuff that matters, recharge our batteries and take care of ourselves.

I believe in the 80:20 rule (if we do this stuff 80% of the time, the 20% we miss because life gets busy is inconsequential).  I also like James Clear’s 1% improvement theory and the way little things compound over time.  If all we get to do is a week of Plan B because it’s busy it’s still better than nothing and will have a positive impact on our health and wellbeing.

So what’s your plan A and plan B version of self-care for your own sustainability?

If you need support recharging and ensuring you’re a sustainable resource why not join me on retreat?

Having the burnout conversation at work

A question I’m often asked at my workshops and events is how do we have the burnout conversation at work.  Particularly difficult if you’re in a culture where busyness is worn like a bade of honour and long hours are the norm.

My advice in this space is to be the change you want to see, like Ghandi said.  Find the way you work best and get the best from yourself.  Sometimes the only thing we can control is our own behaviour rather than that of others and if enough of us did this we’d start to see a shift.  All our organisations are collections of individuals so if each individual becomes this change the culture will take care of itself. 

I know that’s easier said than done though especially if you’re not in a position of authority or find yourself in a toxic culture of overwork. 

Strangely the intention is often the same, despite the difference ways of going about it, often we’re all meaning the same thing – success, productivity and effectiveness.  It’s a misguided myth (that’s sadly still held by many) that the more we work the more we’ll achieve.  As I discuss in my workshops though, it’s not about quantity but quality.  It’s not about how many hours we work but the impact we have and value we add.  This can’t be effective and of quality if we’re tired, busy brained, unable to focus and overwhelmed.  At this point quantity is our undoing not a pathway to success.

If you are a senior leader or influencer then you have an even better chance of making change, setting an example and role modelling in this space.

If not I’ve found it has more impact framing this conversation as a performance one rather than a wellbeing one even though it’s obviously both.  If we’re in a culture where stress is seen as a badge of honour it can be hard to have a conversation if it feels like we’re asking to do less.  But it’s this concept of less being more.  Less but better.  If we talk about performance and how we get the best out of each other it’s a much easier conversation to have.

It's quality over quantity and impact and value rather than hours at the laptop with a tired brain!  Regardless of culture we all want impact and value we just have to turn this towards quality rather than a quantity focus.

I’ve noticed that we all have the same aim.  Getting the best out of ourselves and our people.  It’s what we all want: to come to work and do our best and it’s what our leaders want, even those who go about it the wrong way by working us to death!  They just want us to deliver our best and achieve their KPIS.  We’re talking about the same aim, the same intention.  Ironically those broken cultures of stress and burnout think they’re driving for more when in fact they just drive us away (or into the ground).  So let’s talk about how we get the best from ourselves and do our best work.

Productivity is about quality and effectiveness not the quantity of hours we’re doing.  My experience has taught me that the more hours we’re doing the less quality we’re likely to be putting out.

It’s often our pursuit of quantity and more and better that lands us at burnout so changing the focus to quality and effectiveness means we make a bigger impact, add more value and we’re sustainable.

If you’d like to support your workplace to have better conversations about burnout and learn practical tools and strategies to go from burnout to brilliance check out my popular workshops.

Saying no to this means saying yes to everything else

At my recent retreat we were talking about boundaries and how, particularly for women, saying no can be difficult.  We feel guilty or selfish, like we’re letting people down.  In addition we’ve often been brought up to be obliging and put the needs of others before ourselves.  It can lead to us burning out, feeling resentful and being last on our own list.

For those who’ve burned out you know that we’re no good to anyone and can’t give to anybody else if we don’t first look after ourselves.  It’s the concept of putting on your own oxygen mask on first or not trying to pour from an empty cup that we hear so often as analogies in this space.

We get told a lot that we just need to learn to say no and set better boundaries but that doesn’t stop the feeling of guilt or pressure (and expectation) we get externally to break our own boundaries for the sake of others.

For many saying no is easier said than done and only once we’ve made the mindset shift can we say no and set boundaries with ease, without the guilt and with the knowledge that it’s best for everyone.

And it’s this simple question that gets us there.  It’s not what I’m saying no to but what saying no actually means because in reality when we say no to one thing we are saying yes to everything else.

·       Saying no to working late is saying yes to my family.

·       Saying no to other people’s emergencies means I’m saying yes to the important deadlines I have on my own schedule

·       Saying no to an extra project because I’m overloaded means I’m saying yes to my health, energy and the quality of what I’m delivering.

·       Saying no to a party after a full week of work means I’m saying yes to myself and avoiding burnout.

So it’s not what I’m saying no to, it’s what I’m saying yes to by setting boundaries.  When we focus on what we’re saying yes to the boundaries become much easier to put in place.  We’re leading with our priorities and focusing on what’s important.  Reframing the no from a negative into a positive.

It can be quite impactful in terms of giving us permission to say no by focusing on what we’re actually saying yes to.  Remember; when I say no to this I’m saying yes to everything else.

Improving not proving: the constant learning journey

Today I’m thinking about our growth and development, it’s an area I’ve worked in for year and a passion I’ve always had. I believe we can be both improving and learning as well as being amazing and brilliant – all at once.  It’s this concept that Buddhists talk of in the beginner’s mind.  Approaching everything with a curiosity that we’re here to learn even if we’ve done it before because the reality is we’re always learning, there’s always growth.

Ako is a traditional Māori practice that means both 'to learn' and 'to teach' and I think that sums it up perfectly.

Even as teachers we’re always learning and I love this concept of continuous learning, that we never know it all and that life itself is a constant navigation of learning and often teaching others at the same time we’re learning ourselves.

They say the best way to learn something is to teach it and I’ve certainly found that when embarking on book projects.  Teaching this stuff to others helps immerse myself in it in a way that furthers my own learning and understanding in a new way.  We so often learn by teaching and yet at the same time are also still learning whilst we teach!

We can put so much pressure on ourselves to know all the answers or be the expert and it can be uncomfortable to sit in this place of learning, of not knowing.  But it’s this open and curious mind that keeps us developing and growing and helps us achieve our potential.

We’ve all come so far, just in the last year but especially the last ten.  What will that be like in the next ten?  The opportunity is endless with this notion of being both the teacher and learner all at once.

It’s this concept of improving ourselves rather than trying to prove ourselves.  That we’re learning and growing not trying to validate or prove we’re good enough.

If you’re looking for support on the leadership journey why not check out our monthly membership here

Quiet quitting, the great resignation: what does it all mean for you?

Whether you call it the great resignation or quiet quitting it’s really all the same thing.  It’s our collective response to what’s been an unprecedented time in our history.  The impact of the last 3 years has taken its toll, life has changed forever and things have happened that we can’t change.  We’re fatigued from the constant uncertainty and our work has changed in a way that not all of us have been able to adjust to.

When we go through such monumental times it can’t not have an impact.  On the way we think, feel and what we expect of life.  It’s big change like this that often brings new perspectives.

So it makes sense we’re thinking about making the most out of life, working less and living more, working for a place we feel valued with people with whom we align.

But shouldn’t this have always been the case?  Maybe the experience of the pandemic has just allowed us to see this from a fresh perspective?

It carries more urgency now and the world has reconnected on a different level, so much division and threat it seems more paramount to take action and make a difference.  It’s not just at work either, we’re seeing discontent across the board.  Politically in NZ, strikes in the UK from the rubbish collectors, train drivers, posties and more.  Protests from some of the ‘freest’ people in our country fighting over their ‘freedom’.  Uprising and civil unrest.  Economic fears and cost of living instability.

We’re also at the end of our coping line, many of us no longer tolerant to the impasses living out of alignment has brought about and the impact reading the news and existing in society generally has on us these days.

What it boils down to is that we’re feeling a little burned out and disengaged and that’s probably a normal response to this ‘new normal’.  What we’re seeing is a collective response to this whether that’s in our jobs or the wider community as we look for things/people to blame. 

Lockdown was the governments fault, I’m stressed because of my job, I’m unhappy because my partner doesn’t care enough, I’m tired because everyone expects too much of me.  Of course some of this may be true, particularly if cost of living is impacting on you, long covid health issues, uncertainty around the future and job security.  All normal responses to change and our human conditioning around fear.

In my experience quiet quitting has always been there just known by another name and not talked about due to its quiet nature.  Presenteeism, dis engagement, discontentment.  We’ve all been in a job or relationship where we’ve felt like checking out for a while!  Then of course if we do check out it becomes the great resignation and the global pandemic has certainly been a conduit for that.  It’s like the migrations of big herds on the plains of Africa.  When the seasons turn and the environment is no longer conducive to life we move on.  That’s what we’re seeing now.

What does it mean for you?  As an individual take stock, know yourself and what you want, how does your one precious life want to be lived and what’s changed for you over the last couple of years, what needs to be different?  What have you learned?  What do you want?

And for our organisations: now more than ever it’s about what matters and making sure you provide an environment that attracts the high performing herds.  Navigating a post pandemic hybrid era in a way that fosters all the things we value.  The way we communicate, how we put our people first, diversity of thought, inclusion in our actions and the heart of that will always be the quality and capability of the leaders that create culture.

Ensuring people can be their best without burning them out in the process, that work is part of life but enables us to enjoy life outside of the office too.  That we have the autonomy and trust to perform at our peak and are supported and challenged in a way that helps us grow and are rewarded for that effort.

Want to support your team through these tough times? Learn to manage change and uncertainty and go from burnout to brilliance? Check out my in house workshops and get in touch to book.

Sustainability not self-care: changing the conversation to further the journey

 This year I’ve changed my language when talking about self-care.  I felt it’d become an overused term, synonymous with Instagram wellness warriors drinking green juice and taking yoga selfies.  It seemed to be difficult to get traction in business and to get organisations to take self-care seriously.

Now it is serious obviously.  I believe it should feature on our job descriptions because it powers everything else that’s on there.  Without it we’re simply not as good as we need to be, we run out of energy, focus and tolerance and ultimately do not perform at our peak unless we’re investing in this stuff.

So how can we shift the dial and talk about this in a way our businesses will listen but we’ll also take more seriously ourselves.

For me the angle is performance not wellness.  This doesn’t take away from the fact that we’re of course talking wellness and that’s one of the most important focuses we can have.  It changes the language in a way our organisations understand.  Wellness has long been a focus and aside from a few lunchtime meditation classes, free fruit in the staff room and some resilience training we've not shifted the dial.  In fact burnout is on the rise despite our focus on wellness and mental health.

When I look to the sporting world they have perfected this approach.  Their approach to performance is that peaks must be followed by troughs of rest and recovery.  Massage, saunas, days off and rest actually feature as part of their jobs and their performance schedules.  Pre match preparation and post match recovery are integral parts of ensuring peak performance.  Athletes see it as a non negotiable that their energy, shape and physical and mental health is directly linked to their success.  So why hasn’t this translated into our organisations?

I believe it’s about changing the conversation from one of self-care to one of performance.  For too long we’ve resisted the need to talk to our managers about the need for self care or discuss burnout through fear it’ll be seen as a sign of weakness, that we can’t cope or we’re not keeping up with the demands of our job.  Asking for help, support, time off or a focus on self-care feels like a loaded question as a result.  However if we start talking about performance, how we remain sustainable and ensure we’ve giving our best, it flips this conversation.  A shared goal we have as both employer and employee is that we want to do our best so when we talk about what’s required to achieve peak performance rather than what we need to remove to allow for self-care can you see how this fits with even the most traditional organisational cultures.

I now talk about sustainability.  It’s a popular term when we talk business sustainability or about the environment and climate change.  Yet we don’t use the word in association with ourselves.  I believe our energy and condition is a direct predictor of our success.  Ensuring we’re a sustainable resource and that our teams are too is one of the foundations of success and peak performance.  It’s also how we address the rise in burnout. I’m not saying it’s right that we need to change the conversation or that self-care has fallen on deaf ears but I’ve seen it to be effective in getting better results. Not just in terms of how our business responds but how we prioritise it in our own life too.

For too long we’ve seen self-care as a nice to have, a luxury item and a bit of an indulgence rather than the key to sustainability and a critical pathway towards peak performance. It’s why so many of us feel guilty for prioritising it or that it’s something we can go without if we’re busy.

So what do you do to keep yourself sustainable?  What does your employee sustainability policy look like?  In my workshops I often use the analogy of a road trip (in an EV of course because we’re sustainable!)  When we’re on a long road trip and our fuel light comes on we’d never dream of driving past a fuel station.  We stop and pull over to refuel even though we know it’ll add minutes onto our journey.  We do this because it helps us get to our destination and without it we’re left broken down on the roadside.  Yet how often does our inner fuel light come on and yet we push through, don’t have time to stop and refuel, assume we can refuel when the work is done.  The result?  We don’t get to our destination, our inner vehicle doesn’t perform as well as it could and for some we’re left broken down on the side of the metaphorical road.

In praise of nothing

Sometimes the best thing we can do is nothing, it is the simplest thing to do and yet also one of the hardest.  In a world where we’ve glorified busy and downgraded pauses in favour of making the most of every moment and being as ‘productive’ as possible we’re seeing burnout out like never before.  It sounds counter intuitive to suggest that doing nothing is a way to achieve brilliance so allow me to explain.

The fact that we’re too busy to pause is the precise reason we need it so badly.  Yet our attitude towards rest and recovery for too long has seen it as a nice to have, a luxury item or a reward when the hard work is over.  This attitude has lead to us feeling selfish or guilty if we make time for the very thing that helps us perform at our peak and in stead we’re left with this mantra of more is always better leading us to burnout!

Whilst writing Burnout to Brilliance I discovered that it’s often our pursuit of peak performance and the more is always better mantra that is in fact leading us to burnout.  The pursuit of brilliance leads us to burnout – ironic right, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

My relationship in this space changed completely after my own burnout.  The things I do to keep myself sustainable are just as important as any meeting in my diary or item on my to do list because by investing in these pauses ensures I do a better job of everything else and that I last longer.  I liken it to going on a road trip.  We’d never dream of driving past the fuel station when the fuel light comes on.  We pull over and refuel even though it adds minutes onto our journey because we know it's the only way we’ll reach the destination and to not do so means our vehicle is not performing at its peak.  Yet how often do we do this to ourselves.  We don’t have time to pull over or wait to refuel when we’re at the destination and then wonder why we breakdown along the way.

But there’s more to it than this.  When we press pause, take time out and refuel our tanks we create space in our brain.  We improve our cognitive function and we gain more energy.  That means anything we do after that we do a better job of.  We make less mistakes so don’t have to spend time re doing things, we solve problems and make decisions easier and our innovation improves.  It’s a concept I refer to as slowing down to speed up.  It means that what could have taken us 6 hours now only takes 5 and we do a better job of it so that pause we just invested in didn’t cost us time it created time.  But it also improved the quality of what we’re doing.  No-one is performing at their peak if they’re spread too thin, exhausted and constantly ‘busy’.

When we stop we get perspective, space and ideas, it also aids our rest and recovery.  However it’s also at odds with our societal norms around busyness and constant ‘doing’.  Our high achiever drive keeps us pushing and really struggles when we take time out.  Because we’re not getting the high of doing or the satisfaction of results when we’re taking time out.  We don’t get the instant gratification of ticking off the to do list and the positive impacts come much further down the track (less stress, better emotional regulation, increased focus, concentration, innovation, resilience, clarity and energy).

For many of us our self worth and value has been built on how much we achieve and how useful we can be to others, we get uncomfortable if we’re not contributing or being useful.  It’s why it’s so easy to throw ourselves into constant busyness – it also distracts us from any problems we have and can wind up like an addictive drug to our brains.

Why is it hard to be still?

If you’ve ever had time off between jobs or recovery time from burnout you may have noticed that you were tempted to fill it with baking, learning a new language, training to run a marathon or major house renos!  I was no different choosing to travel the world and write my first book during my burnout recovery.  Fortunately for me part of that was living in ashrams and going on silent retreats which forced me to slow down, to be still and to master the art of being not doing.  It’s through this experience I have gained the insight into the value of doing nothing.

Our society has glorified busy and doing to the point where the opposite has become undesirable.  Downtime, rest and pauses have been made to be the enemy of productivity and yet it’s the foundation from where our best work and full energy tanks come from.

Our devices have also trained our minds to be constantly absorbing, we are always looking for information or entertainment to fill a void.  Every time we get a second to ourselves we pick up our phones and seek to fill it or distract ourselves from the stillness.  Our brains are no longer conditioned to reflect, to be in the present, to idle or to rest.  We get impatient thanks to that instant gratification muscle that continues to flex and take us away from this critical skill.

It’s also uncomfortable to be still, to not DO.  Uncomfortable to be alone with our own thoughts, it’s why we seek out distractions so we don’t have to feel uncomfortable.  It’s here that our achiever high can become an addiction to offset our insecurities (am I enough, they’re doing better, what will people think?)

What’s the benefit?

Often it’s the stillness that gives rise to the best ideas, the energy to deliver and the sustainability to be our best without burning out in the process.  Our brains can’t think or create when they’re in busy or doing mode.  Tapping into the creative part of the brain and thinking is a different art, one that requires space.  Some of my most impactful things that have happened to my business happened when I was not in the office working thanks to the ideas I had!

Not only do we gain clarity and space to innovate in when our minds are still, we get perspective.  As Ram Dass said “the quieter you become the more you can hear” and we start to hear what’s important when we cut through the noise, the busyness and the distractions.

Practicing pauses and taking downtime to refuel and invest in us also means less stress, better emotional regulation, increased focus, concentration, resilience and energy.  It’s also where rest and recovery happens. The trough inbetween those peak performance waves I so often talk about. Each peak in our performance needs to be followed by rest and recovery to enable us to hit the next peak and be our best.

It’s tempting to be filling space all the time but without the space we can’t achieve brilliance both cognitively, energetically and in terms of managing our workload.

Next time you have a day off don’t schedule anything .  Try sitting for an hour (or walking) without distractions and be in the moment.  Practice the art of reflection or encourage some stillness into your day.  It might seem uncomfortable at first for all of the reasons we’ve discussed and yet it could be your secret weapon not just in the fight against burnout but in also achieving brilliance.

Need some practice learning the art of stillness?  Join us on spring retreat this year in Nelson.

Burnout in our organisations and what to do about it

As we return to the office post-pandemic, we are finding that engagement has taken a massive hit.  We are finding that our people are change fatigued.  We also have an uncertain future and there are impacts of the pandemic that we're going to feel long beyond the lockdowns and the restrictions. 

Of course, this is having a flow on effect in our organisations.  So many people are telling me at the moment their staff are burned out and that they too feel burned out.  As leaders we’re too busy to lead and exhausted because we've spent the last two years supporting the team emotionally, whilst also trying to manage ourselves and our families through the uncertainty. 

Engagement has taken a hit. The mass return to the office didn't go down too well when we'd all got a bit comfy and cosy at home.  There's this feeling that we've got nothing left in the tank and we're talking about burnout a lot, but what are we actually doing about it? 

The workshops and webinars that I've been running in organisations have surpassed my expectations, but also the feedback from the organisations in terms of a) the staff turn out and b) the engagement.  Organisations have had more staff come along than is usual, and the engagement and desire to talk about this stuff has surprised us all which shows it's an issue, which shows it's something we need to address and something that can be fixed. 

How?  Well, it takes a new way of thinking.  It also takes the acknowledgement of what's gone before and where we're at, so that we can then move forward and start looking at how do we be our best without burning out in the process.  That's where the Burnout to Brilliance workshops can help. 

The Burnout to Brilliance programme is available for your organisation in house.  It’s designed to allow us to find more time, to battle the busyness and cut through the noise to do important work, to improve our focus.  It helps us understand burnout and avoid it.  It helps our teams improve their productivity and focus.  To understand the habits of high performing people and how we can hack some of those habits to gain control of our schedule and to overcome some of the overwhelm that can happen when we get busy. 

In these programmes we learn how to get more done in less time, improve our focus, re-energise so we always feel like we've got enough in the tank to do the work that's in front of us.  To navigate the structure around what good looks like for us to be our best, and to work smarter rather than harder.  Many staff are telling me that they feel a lack of focus right now, tired, exhausted even.  Motivation has taken a hit and of course they wish it was different.  We all want to perform at our peak but we’ve been spread too thin for too long.  There's no room left for thinking space, creating, for strategic thinking.  It’s easy to get frustrated when we know that we can be performing at our best, and yet we are not. 

Do you feel like the batteries are a bit empty?  The tank needs refueling?  You're not alone. It's not uncommon.  It's a bit like when your phone is on low power mode.  We, the battery drops, we switch it onto low power mode.  And yet we are still checking our messages, our emails, sending texts, ordering Ubers, in a hope that the phone doesn't die before we can get to a charging point.  And that's a little bit like how we feel post COVID.  We need to plug in to a charging point. 

We are all wandering around on low power mode, wondering why we don't feel our best and why we're not performing at our best when we know we are capable of more.  And yet there's just this feeling of I'm over it, I'm tired.  This productivity guilt that then comes in.  I know I'm capable of more, but I just haven't got the energy.  We get frustrated with our loved ones because our tolerance levels have gone down.  And that's all normal.  It's also a sign that we need to take a break, that we’re feeling burned out.

Burned out staff will not perform at their peak, they will also not be engaged.  We know that that has an impact on the bottom line.  Retention will suffer as they won't be sticking around and there will be the obvious impact on productivity.  To enable your team to perform at their peak, to re-energise, to re-engage, to press reset.  We need a new way of thinking, a new way of doing things. To develop some practical strategies to wipe the slate clean, move forward and to be our best without burning out in the process.  We blame COVID and say, well, now it will be different but there is this change fatigue. This COVID hangover that hangs over most of our organisations that we need to address.

Burnout to Brilliance is one way of doing that.  Otherwise, without this support, it's like wading through treacle in an environment that's changed forever.  So if you want to give your staff the renewed motivation and increase in productivity, the ability to focus, the perception of time to shift from the busyness, the noise, the distractions to performing at their peak, then I would love to share the Burnout to Brilliance programme with you.