There's power in peace

Traditionally our experiences of power have been dominated by negative forces of power.  A dominance, a power over and a ‘I must win’.  It plays out in our parliament, our world wars and our economies – sometimes even our own leadership tables or family groups.  I don’t believe this is real power though.  I believe there’s a type of power more powerful than this.

It’s a power that comes from self mastery, ego-lessness, discipline and compassion.  Think that doesn’t sound very powerful?  Read on.

Trump thought he was powerful when he took up office, in fact it’s one of the main reasons he wanted the job.  Yet quickly realised his decisions and policies were scrutinised by a nation and had to get approval through the house.  The role itself (president of the US) is considered to be one of the most powerful in the world and yet it doesn't necessarily mean the person in the role is powerful.  Whilst he thought he may have been too powerful to be held to account, the various court cases he’s now facing are proof you may be in a powerful role but doesn’t mean you’re not accountable for your actions.

Take another male leader at the other end of the extreme.  The Dalai Lama.  Who has managed to lead the global rise of Buddhism and the mindfulness movement across the world without ever having raised his voice.  All whilst being exiled from his home country of Tibet.  That’s true power.

It happens when we’re aligned to our values and purpose, when we’re egoless and service to others and when we can stand in our power knowing exactly who we are, what we’re doing for the world and the difference we can make to other people.

It’s why politicians are supposed to be in service to their countries and regions.  To be in service though is a different kind of power.  It’s a power with and through others for the greater good.  Not a power over, dominance which is ruled by ego.

More locally when we think of individuals (regardless of their positions of power).  There’s a personal power that comes from those who know themselves, a confidence in how they show up but a humility that they’re also human.

I think our power as a leader comes from this egoless humility and at the same time an ability to stand in our power with confidence.  I explain the difference in the video below.

As an example, it takes more power to control and regulate our emotions that it does to lose our shit.  It takes more power to remove ego and do what’s best for the greater good beyond our individual desires.

Some of the most powerful people are not loud, forceful or aggressive.  Their impact is felt though and always more positive. 

Power is simply how we influence others and how we have impact.  There are different forms of it and I believe this power with and through others, this quiet, humble, calm power is one we constantly under estimate in view of what we see play out in the media daily.  Yet harnessing this power gives us all an opportunity to show up, make an impact and make the world a better place.

·       Do you know what it feels like to stand in your power?

·       When are you at your most powerful?

·       How are you using your power today?

If you’re a woman or non binary leader join us for the monthly powHer hour to connect with like minded leaders and chat more about, leveraging power, owning your space and standing in your power

Are you really there? - the power of presence

I love being at the beach, it’s how I spend my weekends.  It recharges me and it’s where I do my thinking and reflecting.  However, this only works if I’m actually present whilst I’m at the beach.  If I sit on the sand and replay all the things I wish I’d done better that week I’m actually at work not at the beach. 

When I get present and feel the sand between my toes, the salt water on my skin and the sun on my face.  Watch the sunlight reflect off the water, listen to the sounds of the waves and the birds – that’s when I’m really at the beach.

If we’re not present, we may as well not be there. 

It’s how we can waste precious moments, holidays of a lifetime.  We may be there physically but mentally we’re somewhere else.  If we’re not present, we’re not there it’s as simple as that.

Being present to the moment is one thing, appreciating it is another and the second side of this coin.  If we don’t appreciate what we have we may as well not have it.  Ever moved into a new house and it’s got the best view?  Or got a new car or partner that just seems amazing?  Then the novelty wears off and you stop noticing the view, you see it every day.  Then all of  a sudden it’s like you don’t have a view.  This is what appreciation does.  Allow yourself to ‘have’ the things you ‘have’ by appreciating them.  The same applies here - If we don’t appreciate what we’ve got we may as well not have it.

If you’ve come across people with wealth in the bank who live a very poor life you’ve probably seen the best example of this.

So step one is being present – be where your feet are so that you’re really there and then the second step is appreciating that so you can enjoy what you have.  Whether that’s a day at the beach, a great view, the sunset or your holiday of a lifetime.

what do leaders need to prepare for in 2024?

One of the mantras of the pandemic era was “never let a good crisis go to waste.” Companies everywhere used the public health crisis to change their businesses in ways hard to imagine before, from remote work to greater DEI awareness and an emphasis on employee well-being.

Now, we’re in another type of crisis, one of uncertainty. We’re losing some of that ground we’ve gained and in the midst of economic uncertainty and budget cuts it’s a challenging landscape ahead for leaders.

On a global scale the pandemic, wars, climate change and economic impacts have led the World Economic Forum to label this current era a polycrisis.

Now more than ever our businesses will look to the capability of their leaders to not just lead through these challenging times and navigate the uncertain future but also to bring everyone else along the journey and help ‘calm the farm’.

From the latest reports out telling us what 2024 holds and where our focus should be, here are some of the highlights.  The challenges we’ll face in 2024 and the things that need to be on our priority list and that our leaders need to be supported in delivering:

·       Humanising leadership in the digital age

·       Managing change and uncertainty

·       Forming connection and collaboration in a hybrid working environment

·       Budget cuts and restructures

If we’re to navigate these challenges, much of our success will be determined by our focus of these three priority areas:

·       Building a diverse and inclusive culture

·       Motivating and engaging the workforce

·       Building leadership capability

Global reports by the likes of Gallup tell us that stress levels are still high and engagement levels are still low but rising steadily.  For example, when Gallup asked managers what changes their organisations made in 2023:

• 64% said employees were given additional job responsibilities

• 51% cited the restructuring of teams

• 42% reported budget cuts

To succeed in 2024, leaders should consider how they might need to re-skill to better support the changing needs of their workforce and organisational culture.  This starts with the humanness of leadership, The vertical growth over the horizontal growth of our technical skills, much of which AI may be set to replace over coming years.

With major breakthroughs expected in AI leaders are looking to the opportunities, disruption and change this will bring.  Leaders will need to be staying ahead of the game and at the same time leveraging the humanness of leadership.  Which in my mind has always been the number one role and skill of a great leader.

With all that said, it makes sense that leadership capability is still very much on the agenda.  As with every challenge our business faces, it falls to the leadership to navigate those challenges and lead others through the uncertainty.  As we face these changes we need to support, prepare and develop those who will lead the charge and bring others on the journey.

With the impact of sustained inflation and the risk of economic downturn, among other disrupting events, businesses are relying on leaders at all levels to help steer the ship.  Our leaders need to be ready to support our businesses as they prepare for technological advancements and disruptions, climate change, building inclusive cultures, changing demonographies, misinformation, wellbeing and resilience to future crisis.

In 2024, we expect diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives will become less of a unique, stand-alone concept and will instead be woven into the fabric of good leadership. No longer will DEI knowledge and skills be seen as optional or “nice to have;” instead, they’ll become integral components of what it means to be a leader as we build inclusive leadership for the future.

As the world of business keeps changing at a breakneck pace, one thing remains constant: leadership development is as vital as ever.  In fact, it’s more essential than ever before to stay ahead of the curve and develop the skills necessary to lead and inspire in an age of rapid technological advancements, shifting priorities, an unpredictable economy, and significant social change. 

These are the human skills of leadership, our vertical growth, the stuff that sets us apart from robots and make the difference as we lead people through change and uncertainty.

If you’d like me to dial into your next leadership team meeting to discuss the challenges of 2024 and how best to navigate them get in touch for availability.

Learning to run again

There’s certain things in life like walking, running and riding a bike you think you’ll only need to learn once.  I’ve not been able to run for some time and after knee surgery 6 months ago I’m slowly on the road to rehab and starting to run again. 

As the old saying goes, we must learn to walk before we can run, it’s slow progress.  It’s not that I’m likely to be training for a marathon any time soon but running is useful – it’s a handy skill to have if I’m late for a bus or being chased by lions.

My first physio session 6 months post surgery when we tried running involved 10 seconds on a very slow treadmill with me holding on to the sides – we all start somewhere.  It turns out my body has forgotten how to run.

This makes sense as it’s been a long time and we forget things, muscle memory in particular if we’ve not performed an action for a while.  It’s also a safety thing psychologically.  Running caused me harm so it’s not a surprise that my body is reluctant to do it again.

With the help and support of my Physio and rehab team we’re teaching my body how to run again and that it can do it safely.  It’s a long process but one in which we’re making progress every day.

The point behind sharing this story is to help us all reflect.  What do we need to relearn to do?  What have we not done for a while due to fear or risk?  What support can we enlist to help make that happen and get back on track?  And of course the knowledge that we’re always beginners, even when we’re experts and learning and relearning is part of life.  Even for the things that seem to come naturally there are sometimes events in our life that require us to relearn the basics and that’s ok. 

Of course this doesn’t just apply to physical injuries but I think you’ll have figured that out by now!

Arohanui

Jess

Women and Power or as I like to call it: PowHer

Power is an interesting concept and one I think has been tainted from a gender perspective.  It’s the topic of my most recent book and something I’ve wanted to explore for the women I work with for a long time now.  It’s led me to redefine this word to PowHer.  Let me explain what I mean by this.

Power has long been associated with those in positions of power, those who have power over others.  Powerful figures in business or politics have long been masculine and many have sought to have power over others and not always have used it for good.  It’s given power a bad name and taken us away from what power could and should be to us. 

If we look at the dictionary definition it is genderless.  Described as the ability to do something or act in a particular way.  The capacity to direct or influence the behaviour of others or the course of events or to travel/move with great force.

I believe our power and potential are linked.  Like potential energy from a physics perspective.  It’s an ability that has the capacity to be developed for future success.  Like the energy mass in a gravitational field – the charge.  If only we realised we all have this power within us capable of propelling us towards our potential.  In fact the word potential in Latin origins comes from potentia meaning power.

I believe power is something that comes from within.  It’s less about power over and power from.  When we stand in our power it comes from us and through us.  It’s not something we need to have over others.  It’s about stepping into the spotlight and owning our brilliance and changing the way we relate to the word power.

Mary Parker Follet was a world leading guru in the leadership space well before women were allowed to even speak into that space.  It’s probably why most of us have never heard of her.  Interestingly Peter Drucker who is very famous in the same space points to her as his guru and yet rightly points out the world forgot about her work in favour of celebrating the men who later made the same points. 

She talked about this concept of power with rather than power over and I believe that’s the feminine version of power.  It’s a shared power, a united force for the same goal.  It’s not a dominant, I must win at the cost of you. 

I believe this power with is also a power from within.  It’s often not loud or forceful yet just as impactful.  It’s an inner power.  You know the kind of power I’m talking about.  You sense it from those who have it.  It oozes from them before they’ve even begun to speak.  It’s a presence, an inner knowing, a way of being.

Power from within is our mental power.  Something a master zen monk may have without any physical muscle tone whatsoever!  It’s our ability to regulate our emotions, overcome challenges and remain resilient.  It doesn’t matter how physically strong we are if this isn’t something we’ve mastered.  This is where the real power is and something that’s often untapped. 

We are often more powerful than we think but can give it away, fear it or under estimate our own power.  It’s common for women to dim our light to make others feel better.  Or to be afraid of power because we’ve been told it’s masculine or we’ve had a negative experience with it in the past.

If power has been held over you as a form of dominance it’s not surprising that we might have developed an unhealthy relationship with it.  So often we’ve seen powerful female leaders or athletes referred to in derogatory terms as if this power is a negative not a positive force.  The same power in her male counterparts though is celebrated. 

There are longstanding stereotypes that associate power with masculinity and assertiveness, while femininity is often associated with passivity and submissiveness. These stereotypes can make it harder for women to be seen as powerful without being judged harshly or experiencing backlash.

Women who assert themselves or display strong leadership qualities are often judged more harshly than men in similar positions. Women may be viewed as aggressive, bossy, or unlikeable for displaying the same behaviors that are expected and celebrated in men.  Women are often underrepresented in positions of power, this can create a perception that women are not capable of wielding power or that they are not suited for leadership roles.  Despite our experience is showing us different, just consider the different covid responses from countries led by women and men.

You can see why we might have a difficult relationship to power or be too keen to give it away when you see the societal constructs and generation baggage it comes with!  I believe our inner power though and our feminine power with is key to our success and something we should leverage more.

I believe in the Yin and Yang energies at play here.  Both are powerful and yet both look different in intensity and force.  I like to think of our feminine power like this.  Sometimes it will be of a more yang quality and other times it’s so yin it goes unnoticed yet makes a massive impact.

There’s another form of power I think it’s important to talk about here too.  It’s our inner power.  In Māori know as Ahi ka, meaning inner fire.  This is who we are at our core, it’s when we’re aligned to our values and connected to our purpose, it forms part of our identity and is how we show up.

Our ahi kaa is so important.  When we’re in touch with who we are and coming from a place that is authentic and aligned, everything we do is so much more powerful.  It’s our essence.

We lose power and our inner fire goes out when we’re misaligned, our values are contradicted, we can’t find meaning and purpose in what we do, or we second guess ourselves or we’re doing things we feel we should rather than what’s true in our heart.  It also dims when we’re busy, tired, overwhelmed and feel like we’re not coping.  The inner fire belongs in our gut and our heart which is why we can feel it here when things aren’t right. 

When we ignite our ahi kaa we’re real, genuine, authentic.  We’re firing and we perform better.  It’s key to our sense of belonging and central to our health and such a powerful place to operate from too.

Of course when we stand in our own power and are comfortable owning our power we are less inclined to compare to others.  To worry we’re not good enough, to second guess or doubt ourselves.  We’re also able to accept our mistakes and learn from them without it ruining us.

It’s also less intimidating and harmful to others.  Simply put, we don’t need power over others when we’re in touch with our inner power and can own our space and know what we stand for.  It’s a more impactful place to come from and it’s also more enjoyable.

It took me years to figure this out.  I went from thinking I didn’t have any power, to not wanting any because it thought it was negative to now being able to own my space and know my impact.  In a comfortable way that keeps me humble though as doesn’t assume I’ve got it all figured out.

If this resonates why not join me for the monthly PowHer hour chat.  A chance every month to connect with like minded women and non binary leaders and ask me anything.  I’ll be hosting this free session at lunchtime on the last Friday of every month, would love for you to join us.  Click here for details and the log on details.

The problem with our no limits mantras is this...

I was in a hotel gym recently and these slogans troubled me.  They’re popular in the high performance sports world and in deed how we’re encouraged to life our life.  Fast and hard, push through, sleep when you’re dead and all that.  I think that’s why we’re all injured, unhappy and on the verge of burnout too though.

If I go faster and harder I’m likely to get injured and if I run through walls I’m not likely to be back at the gym the following day.  I see how it might be motivating when we’re tiring from an exercise point of view but I believe the most sustainable way to perform at our peak is to listen to our bodies, know where our energy is at, what we’re capable of and respond to that knowing it’ll be different on any given day.

Now I’m in the gym rehabbing from knee surgery so there’s no way in the world I’m able to push through walls, I can’t even run yet!  In fact it’s that mantra in my sporting days that got me here in the first place with multiple ruptured ligaments.

What if we didn’t push through walls or need to be faster, stronger.  What if we just did enough without sacrificing ourselves.  What if we gave all that was in our tank without having to go into a deficit that left us overwhelmed and sick?  I reckon that’d be a better mantra for performance both at the gym and in our life and work.  It also means we’re much more likely to come back and be able to do it all again the next day and the day after.  It’s sustainable excellence.

The problem with the no limits mantra is that as humans we do have limits.  We have limited energy, we are only capable of working so many hours in a day before our effectiveness declines.  Our muscles have limits to what they can do and our brains have limits to the amount of information they can consume.  Behaving as if we have no limits means we’re constantly crossing those limits – bringing about burnout, illness, injury and overwhelm.

That’s not an excuse to sit on the couch either.  As high performers that’s probably something we find more difficult than pushing through walls!  It’s the middle ground, the sustainable approach.

I prefer the approach of Akitō, a Māori term meaning to do things slowly, to take time and therefore make a  better job.  To allow rather than push, to do less but better.  A more sustainable, enjoyable approach to progress.  When you take time, you give more attention, you get better results.

Nature is a great example, it knows it’s limits, it works within them and it’s constantly adapting to the seasons and changing as the environment does.  Lao Tzu said “nothing in nature is rushed and yet everything is achieved”

Doing enough with what we’ve got on the given day and responding to the peaks and troughs that are performance – that’s a recipe for brilliance that’s sustainable.

Ahi kaa - keeping your inner fire burning

On a recent retreat one of our guests talked about how the experience has reignited her ahi kaa.  A te reo māori word with the closest translation meaning inner fire, essence, who you are.  It’s what we bring to everything we do both at work and at home.  Sometimes our inner fire can get dampened.  Either by busyness, negative experiences, other people.  Or sometimes we dim our light – worried we’ll not meet the expectations, uncomfortable in the spotlight or just in a bid to fit in or not appear as a threat to others.

Our ahi kaa is so important.  When we’re in touch with who we are and coming from a place that is authentic and aligned, everything we do is so much more powerful.  It’s our essence.

I’ve known what it’s like to be living out of alignment with my essence.  As an introverted leader surrounded by extroverts.  As a gay women in a straight relationship, as a girl playing ‘boys’ sports, as a burned out high achiever and as an author feeling uncomfortable in the spotlight.

Our inner fire goes out when we’re misaligned, our values are contradicted, we can’t find meaning and purpose in what we do, or we second guess ourselves or we’re doing things we feel we should rather than what’s true in our heart.  It also dims when we’re busy, tired, overwhelmed and feel like we’re not coping.  The inner fire belongs in our gut and our heart which is why we can feel it here when things aren’t right.  It’s also why it’s connected to our intuition.

Whilst burnout can come from doing too much it’s also a result of living out of alignment to our values, not having a sense of freedom and autonomy or unable to find meaning and purpose in what we do.  That’s why stoking our inner fire and remaining in touch with this ahi kaa is a way of beating burnout too.

When we ignite our ahi kaa we’re real, genuine, authentic.  We’re firing and we perform better.  It’s key to our sense of belonging and central to our health and happiness too.

How do we do this?

Work out who you are and what makes you tick, what lights you up, what do you stand for, what are your values?  This will be shaped by your experiences, your passion and the things that matter to you.  It’s how we find meaning in what we do and give us a sense of purpose.  It’s always an impactful exercise at my leadership workshops and retreats.

Then once we’re in touch with it we need to keep fueling it.  This means taking regular time to recharge, to reflect, to realign.  Protecting it from people and situations that might dampen it.  To keep learning about ourselves and evolving as we go.  To stay present with ourselves and mindful of what we’re doing and why, to listen to our intuition.  To stay true to our values regardless of the pressure to act otherwise and to be proud of what makes us unique not trying to change that or be more like others to fit in.

This is living in accordance with our essence and stoking our ahi kaa.

Find out more about my gender equity work and bringing my popular women’s leadership programme into your organisation or get your place on the next residential

Women in technology: the data, stats and what next?

According to a report by The World Bank, women make up less than a third of the world’s workforce in technology-related fields.  Data from McKinsey found that 50% of women who enter the technology field abandon it by the age of 35.  Add to that the percentage of women in tech leadership roles has fallen to 28% in 2023 and we can see there’s still work to be done here.

Studies have shown that diversity in our organisations is not only important but delivers the return on investment increasing profits for those business with greater diversity.  The multiple perspectives of a diverse team are key to innovation.   Yet we know there are still not enough women entering and staying in the tech industry.  Whether it’s the male domination of the environment, bias, gender stereotypes and barriers or burnout, family responsibilities and work-life balance issues.  The environment and challenges are still different for women. 

·       57% of women in technology reported feeling burned out at work, compared to 36% of men.

·       78% of women in tech report feeling like they must work harder than male coworkers to prove themselves.

·       32% of women in technical and engineering roles are often the only woman in the room at work.

Women make 80% of the purchasing decisions in the home, are users of our tech and its estimated by 2023 will have access to two thirds of the worlds wealth.  Put simply, if women are not represented well in your business you’re missing out which has a flow on effect on products, innovation and of course the bottom line.  So how do we close the gap and increase diversity in the industry?

Many of our aspiring leaders, especially if they’re from under represented groups experience bigger challenges in unlocking their potential and progressing.  Often feeling like they need to know more, have more influence, presence, feel more confident when sat at the leadership table.  It’s different for women and this programme has the solutions. For those new in role or just looking to prove themselves and deliver on what you know they’re capable of.

It's not just getting the roles though but feeling like we can own our space when we get there.  Far too often lack of confidence, lack of belonging or cultural misalingment leads to us overworking to the point of burnout to prove ourselves, leave part of ourselves at home in a bid to fit in or simply leave searching for an environment that aligns and feels like a better fit.

It's critical we support and nurture our leaders to grow and develop but even more critical when they are new in role or from under represented groups where they may look and sound different from others around the table.  It can lead to us second guessing ourselves and trying to change the very skills and traits we were hired for in a bid to fit it.  This support is key not just for their success but the impact they go on to have in the organisation.

The work that I do focuses on self leadership and knowing your brand whilst building mental fitness and the stamina to deliver on the demands of leadership, I believe where these two meet is the sweet spot of leadership development for this new era.  Leadership isn’t something we do, it’s who we are.  It’s about how we show up, the legacy we leave and how we make others feel.  The technical skills will only get us so far and look set to be the very stuff AI may replace one day in the not too distant future.  Self leadership, the inner game, whatever you call it.  These are the skills that future proof our leaders, prepare them for managing change and uncertainty and help them tap into the skills and behaviours that build great cultures and inspire and motivate others.

I believe whilst success in leadership assumes good technical knowledge, the skillset that gets you the job in the first place, there’s much more to it. Beyond that there is the awareness and belief in your abilities along with the energy to deliver on that and perform at your peak. What is it I should be doing as a successful leader, how do I ensure I manage and motivate my team whilst also delivering results? How do I deliver on my potential as a leader and build my brand to lead with confidence?

I help leaders discover what it takes to be a great leader, critical skills required and how we progress into leadership roles and sustain high performance for ourselves and those who work with us. Understanding the unique issues women in the workplace face and how we navigate this to achieve our potential. Learn how to leverage your strengths, progress your career and continuously develop. Including resilience and executive stamina, emotional intelligence, dealing with self-doubt and imposter syndrome and how we manage ourselves as well as lead and inspire others. Build your brand and credibility, balance the busyness and embrace your authenticity as a leader to motivate those you work with to deliver results.

“In the digital era, the explosion of technology has been matched by an equally seismic shift in the ways we think and talk about it. New digital tools give rise to new conceptual frameworks for understanding how these tools affect and interact with society. The voices of women, girls and other marginalized groups, historically absent in tech spaces, are urgently needed in decision-making processes.” UN Women

Keen to find out more about how I’ve been supporting other tech businesses with their women in tech programmes, get in touch and let’s chat about a bespoke programme for your organisaiton.

Why are more Executives leaving (especially women) and what can we do about it?

A 2022 global study by Deloitte found that 70% of Executives are seriously considering leaving their current role for one that better supports their wellbeing.  Fifty six percent of the those Executives have done it before and 82% would be more likely to stay with their organisation if it better supported their wellbeing.

Ever since the global pandemic we’re seeing a shift in Leadership retention.  Post pandemic we talked about the great resignation which seems to have come to an end, but not the impacts.  The fact that such a major event led many of us to an epiphany about what’s important in life has led to many of us reconsidering our working hours or career choices.  Whilst the great resignation might be over according to economists we’re still seeing leaders leave, especially women.  Why?

Whether it’s the pandemic, the weather events, pivoting, change, uncertainty, economic issues, restructuring, team engagement, talent retention, hybrid working, recruitment difficulties, staff shortages, empathy fatigue or burnout it’s a very long list that continues to weigh heavy on our leaders and of course even heavier if those leaders are also from under represented groups.

Not only have we gone through the last few years ourselves, we’ve had to carry others through it too, our teams, our families and each other.  We’re at the forefront of responding to crisis but often last on the list when it comes to support and care.  Quite simply we’re often too busy doing it for others to stop and apply the same rules for each other.

Burnout is on the rise and there’s two categories in which McKinsey tell us the stats (which have increased across the board post pandemic) get higher still – that’s gender (43% of women leaders are burned out compared to 31% of men) and senior leadership (leaders burn out at a higher rate than others).

There’s also been a shift towards changing the traditional model of working full time without a break.  Not just brought about by burnout but changing priorities and more opportunities to do things differently.  Whether it’s sabbaticals, early retirement, part time work or starting your own business.  We’re seeing leaders seriously look at options that only a few years ago were uncommon.

Increased flexibility and choices and non traditional ways of working has opened up many options for leaders who want more in life.  Often at the peak of their career they have the skills and experience to have many more choices.  They also often have the financial stability to rethink some of those choices.  I want to go part time and spend more time with the kids.  I want to start my own business to gain more freedom and flexibility.  I want to work for a non profit that aligns to my values and passions.  We’re focused on leaving a legacy and making a life these days far more than just earning a living.

Because of these increased choices and realigning to what’s important we’re less likely to stand for mistreatment, toxic cultures and being overworked.  Not just when there’s other options at play but as senior leaders we’ve generally gained a lot of knowledge and experience on our way up the career ladder that allows us to know what we stand for (and what we don’t).

Unfortunately there’s also issues like burnout, ill health and menopause that’s having us rethink our leadership tenure.  Sometimes forcing ourselves out of the workplace altogether or making options like sabbaticals more tenable.  For some it’s becoming their own boss that is seen as the solution and for those at and age and financial position where early retirement is an option we’re seeing this play out too.

Much of this impacts women more so than men.  My friend and leadership expert Kate Billing mentioned recently that based on anecdotal evidence from New Zealand organisations since the beginning of 2022, female senior leaders are resigning in roughly twice the numbers of their male counterparts, often citing wellbeing.

We’re now seeing higher numbers of women resigning to start up their own businesses with a recent 40% increase reported.  Not only are we losing talent but we’re also losing diversity with these uneven numbers and increased pressure on female executives.

All of this is important because as with any turnover spike it tends to be the talent that goes first, it becomes harder to attract diverse talent if you’re losing it out of the other door.  Not to mention the knowledge, skills and organisational consistency impacts too.  We also know when the world is turned on its head and people start to reassess their options it’s those on higher salaries that always have the most options to chose from.  Add to that the age and stage of many of our C Suite and it often coincides with mortgages being paid off, kids leaving home and elderly parents passing on.  Life opens up in a way that spending all our hours at work no longer seems to fit with.

Unless of course that work (and the organisation we do it for), lights us up, fills our bucket, gives us a sense of meaning and purpose.  Allows us the autonomy to grow with the support to stretch and respond to challenge.  A sense of achievement with the recognition to go with it.  Working in a way that supports our wellbeing and mental health not detracts from it.  For people we care about, a work family, that makes it worth leaving our actual family for a few days a week.

So what can we do to ensure we’re not losing so many of our top executives?  From the work that I do and feedback from leaders I train and coach here’s a few top tips. 

·       Invest in leadership development (continuously not just once early in someone’s role)

·       Make wellness a priority for everyone, especially your senior leaders

·       Walk the talk and role model the kind of behaviour that makes people want to stay

·       Be aware of the challenges your leadership team faces and how best to navigate those

·       Improve diversity, equity and inclusion in your leadership team

·       Nurture your existing leaders

·       Support emerging leaders

·       Consider how your environment contributes to the solution or the problem

·       Allow flexibility and breathing space in the schedules of your leadership team

·       Assess the priorities and refocus to ensure people are not spread too thin

·       Address concerns and have the tough conversations

Need a hand with any of that?  Tap into my decade of HR and Leadership Development experience and get in touch for facilitated sessions, workshops and leadership retreats for your team.

Find out more about my gender equity work and bringing my popular women’s leadership programme into your organisation.

What gross national happiness can teach us about performance

Burnout is becoming more prevalent, in fact the World Health Organisation predicts that burnout will be a global pandemic in less than a decade, and the World Economic Forum estimates an annual burnout cost of £225 billion to the global economy. Add to that the organisational cost of burnout: increased turnover, absenteeism and, of course, the obvious impact on performance. That’s before we mention the personal cost of burnout which so many of us have experienced.

The term ‘burnout’ was first coined in 1974 by Herbert Freudenberger in his book Burnout: The High Cost of High Achievement. He originally defined burnout as ‘the extinction of motivation or incentive, especially where one’s devotion to a cause or relationship fails to produce the desired results.’

We use ‘burnout’ to describe physical, mental and emotional exhaustion. Burnout is more than the fatigue we experience at the end of a demanding week, though. It’s an exhaustion that doesn’t ease up after a long weekend recharging the batteries. It’s the kind of tired even sleep can’t fix.

It’s clear the ways we’re working are not sustainable and as demand for my popular burnout to brilliance masterclasses has grown so too have my thoughts about how we can do things differently.

I’m reminded of the time I spent in Bhutan, the kingdom famous for gross national happiness in place of GDP as how they measure the progress of their people and their country.  What can we learn from the gross national happiness approach for business?

Ever since the Industrial revolution when we paid people by the hour to work in factories we’ve considered more is better.  The more hours worked the more product (and therefore money) made.  It’s how GDP works for our economy and has for too long been the measure by which our organisations (and governments) succeed or fail.  The only thing is though whilst we may succeed financially it’s coming at a heavy cost (which ironically is costing us much of those dollars earned to fix).  We call it productive but it’s not effective.  We’re not measuring what matters and it’s costing us.  It’s an outdated model that doesn’t serve our new world, in fact it’s detrimental.

We’re running a marathon at a sprint pace, it’s not sustainable.  We’ve been looking in the wrong places for success, the busyness we thought would make us productive has just burnout us out.  It’s not our fault, it’s what most of our organisations have been built on and it was always the employee of the month who worked the hardest, stayed late, put in the extra hours.  We’ve been encouraged to think the more we do the more valuable we’ll be but it’s not necessarily the case because what value can we add when we’re on the verge of burnout, exhausted and unable to think?  I think it’s time we measured what matters and found a new way of working.

In 1968 Robert Kennedy said of economic development and GDP; “we have surrendered personal excellence and community values in the mere accumulation of material things……… it measures everything in short except that which makes life worth living.”  Yet here we are half a decade later doing the same thing and expecting different results.

In Burnout to Brilliance I describe this as the difference between busy and effective, value and impact versus hours worked, quality versus quantity.  We know that once we get to our edge, any further quantity we try and add to our day results in less quality.  Exhaustion kicks in, mistakes get made and cognitive function slows, none of this is conducive to peak performance.  Yet when we focus on quality we’re adding value and making an impact – this is where the gold is.

Bhutan is one of the few countries that do this differently.  Using GNH in place of GDP they’re measuring what matters.  It drives the decisions their government makes and enables them to take into account the things that are more important than money – the things that mean real progress.  Like being 100% organic, like preserving at least 60% of the natural forest (despite deforestation being worth millions if they sold all their timber to their Chinese neighbours).  When they make decisions they have to fit at least 2 of four criteria.  Money is one of them but that alone isn’t enough unless it also preserves the natural environment, their cultural heritage or is good for the people’s wellbeing.

During my time in Bhutan I was trekking up to the Tigers Nest monastery in the Himalayas.  A much older but more fitter monk was leading us to the top, it was a warm day and I was clearly not as used to this as he was.  “How far is it to the top” I asked.  He replied “it’s better to travel well than to arrive”.  i.e. slow down, enjoy the view, you’ve travelled from the other side of the world to be here so be here.  We’re so consumed with trying to get to the destination or the goal.  To get everything on the do to list done but what’s the point if it comes at the cost of ourselves.  What if we focused on traveling well?  The monks point of course was if we focus on the journey the destination takes care of itself, we get there, just in better shape.  But we’re not travelling well and for many of us it’s meaning we also don’t ‘arrive’.

We live like our purpose is to get everything on our to do list done and yet as fast as we tick stuff off, more stuff gets added.  What’s the point of arriving at our destination or goal if we’ve destroyed our health, performance and relationships in the process.  Success should not come with such a heavy price to pay,  Real wealth is not measurable in only dollars and if we continue with this model we don’t just sacrifice ourselves but the very performance we think this approach should lead to. 

The irony of course is that this model is costing us billions in lost productivity, engagement and sickness absence as we push people harder to make more on our bottom line and return a good price for our shareholders.  Imagine what we’d save on those costs if we did this in a more sustainable way.

The organisations of the future are, the leaders of the future role model this and they will be where the talent is drawn to.  The current generation entering the workforce want to work sustainably, they’re not sold on the post industrial revolution mantras our parents taught us, the 9-5 and the harder you work the more success you’ll make of life and just hang on in there until you can retire.

Imagine if our bottom lines also accounted for the environment, social change, diversity and wellness of those in the business – as well as the financial outcomes.  Some may argue that focusing on those things would contribute to a better financial outcome anyway!

Let’s chat about making this change in your organisation to allow more humans to produce brilliance rather than burnout and save money on the cost of disengaged, under performing, exhausted teams.

The 3 S’s that are key for my wellbeing

This mental health awareness week we’re talking about the 5 ways, the things we can do to keep us healthy.  Not just healthy though, I believe it’s the things we do here that keep us at our best performance wise too.

I’m also a fan of keeping things simple (it’s one of the S’s in fact) so I thought it’s a great time to talk about my 3 key things that keep me at my best and things that are so simple they’re often overlooked, yet I believe can have the biggest impact for us where mental health and our performance and peak cognitive function are concerned.

Whilst we’re talk about mental health awareness week and ways to wellbeing I thought I’d share my top 3 S’s for wellbeing and not just that but peak performance too!

1.       Space. 

This is by far the most important and more under rated way to wellness.  When we create space we create time.  This allows us to connect to the present and to ourselves.  It gives us space to reflect and contemplate, to be still and quiet in a world that’s busy and noisy.  It’s here we have our best ideas, hear the voice within of our intuition and so often our wisest guide.  We find it easier to solve problems and make decisions form this space and it also promotes a sense of calm that overcomes any overwhelm.  It helps order our thoughts and gives us time to focus on some of the activities we never get around to (think journalling, reflection, self-care).

2.       Solitude

When we get space we often also create time for ourselves and regardless of whether we’re introverts or extroverts we all need a few minutes to ourselves, for ourselves.  I love Julia Cameron’s concept of Artist Dates in this space.  Designed for creativity but critical for wellness she advises taking yourself on a date somewhere different to stimulate thinking and give yourself some space.  The only condition is that it has to be by yourself.  How often do we ever take ourselves out for coffee or lunch or just a simple bush walk to a  new beach?  Quite often the only time we do this is if it’s for and with others.  Of course it doesn’t have to be a date, it can be a hot bath when everyone is in bed or a cup of tea by yourself with your own thoughts before anyone else in the house is awake.  Whatever works for you, where do you get your ‘me time’

3.       Simplicity

Another underrated concept and one I love is simplicity.  It’s the smallest things that often make the biggest difference and I believe the less we have in our diary the less stress there is.  The less we have in our house the less there is the clean and move and insure or worry about breaking.  It’s often the difference between quantity and quality, less can be more and I believe less is better.

This flies in the face of what we’ve been taught though.  We’ve been encouraged for decades that more is better and the more things we do the more successful we’ll be and yet what we’re seeing when that’s applied is simply an increase in burnout.  I believe we should be focusing on value and impact (quality) rather than hours worked or number of things on our list (quantity).

It’s why minimalism and the kondo method of having a clean out and simplifying our wardrobe got so famous.  Simple feels good, it reduces our mental load and therefore our stress.  So often we overcomplicate things and add to our stress.  We make the mistake of thinking that simple is not as impactful because it’s not hard and yet so often the opposite is true.

This doesn’t mean we all need to go and have a clear out but a clean desk is often a more productive space for that reason.  The same applies to our minds and the baggage we carry around in there too!  Simple can be how we approach our wellness goals.  For example stirring spinach into our meals to get more veg rather than planning an entire detox.  Getting out for a walk rather than waiting to sign up for the next personal training boot camp at the gym.  Doing a few stretches at home rather than having to commit to a 10 week yoga course in the city.  Using a meditation app to get some stillness rather than planning that 6 week trip to India.

With goals we’re often looking to add things constantly, what about if we took something away?  Letting go, stopping bad habits, disposing of limiting beliefs, delegating and asking for support are all examples of doing less rather than more that get us closer to success.

So what are your keys to wellness and how can you use space, solitude and simplicity to help you achieve your wellbeing goals?

The most important meeting you'll have all week

We live in a meeting heavy world.  There are meetings about meetings, meetings about emails and then meetings about how to reduce the amount of meetings and emails we have!  Most of us have too many meetings, spend too much time talking, not enough time doing or thinking.  Meetings clog up our schedules, suck time from our day and the majority are not worth the salaries of the people who sit there for an hour when you look at the ROI for that hour. 

It’s one of the things I definitely don’t miss about my corporate life now I work for myself.  Having said that, there’s a very important meeting that I always include in my diary and I feel like it’s one meeting we could all benefit from adding to our meeting heavy cultures.

Getting better at when and how we meet is one thing but making space for something more important is this priority meeting we should have every week.  It’s with ourselves.

The most important meeting you can have all week is one that no-one else attends.  I call it my self meeting.  It’s just me and I have an hour each week where I schedule this meeting.  Very often it’s out of the office, somewhere nice where I can find the space to think.

During this meeting my agenda typically looks like; reflecting on the successes, planning the week ahead, where’s the focus, what’s my priority, what do I need and where are the biggest challenges right now?  It’s a look at my numbers and what’s in the diary and ensuring this aligns to my priorities and creates enough space to achieve all of what is planned.  I use this as a chance to schedule in space and focus time and ensure my self-care and sustainability activities are accounted for too.  It’s a time for reflection, thinking, planning and checking in. 

Sadly not all of our meetings in the diary provide a return on investment for the time they take.

Ever come from a meeting and wondered why you were there and what it was designed to achieve?  That’ll never happen with this meeting.  It also makes everything else you do that week more aligned to your priorities, more organised and with better flow.  It may also help you reflect on which are actually the meetings you need to be at this week and how you might reduce the load.

We don’t have enough space in our schedule to do some of the most important things that contribute to peak performance.  Planning, reflecting and thinking certainly will.  The hour you give yourself for this self meeting will save you hours across the week in increased productivity, reduced overwhelm and confusion.

Creating space for all voices to be heard: allyship in action

Recently I was on a business development training session.  It’s a team I know well and have studied with for the last year or two.  It’s a good mix gender wise and full of clever people who I admire and respect.  It’s led by a middle aged white Australian man who demonstrated such a great example of Allyship I felt the need to write about it.  Matt has done a huge amount of work on himself, he has an awareness that is uncommon and as a result of knowing who he is and being comfortable in his own skin he is infinitely more open, grounded and conscious.  It also makes him an inclusive leader and we need more of them.

As people were feeding back from a breakout session the conversation had been dominated by the men in the room, despite there being almost as many women on the call.  Matt simply asked to hear from anyone on the call who did not identify as male and it opened up the conversation in a whole different way.  He wasn’t asking the men to stop speaking (and they’d all had an opportunity to speak) but he’d noticed the balance was off and the conversation was less rich as a result.  He was also aware that in a leadership group dominated by men sometimes we need to create the space for women to speak.  Doing this once meant that the awareness was created for everyone on the call for the duration of the session.  The voices were more balanced and the conversation richer as a result.

It wasn’t hard but it was impactful.  You might be thinking, but why can’t women just speak up without being asked?

The first point to know on this is that it’s not us, it’s the system.  A lifetime of bias, cultural norms and gender stereotypes plays into what can often be subconscious for all involved, regardless of gender.

A leadership colleague of mine recently relayed her experience in a similar session.  She observed the differences with a mix of male and female facilitators addressing her group.  She told me “One man called the female facilitator the wrong name 3 times. She didn’t correct him. He called a male facilitator the wrong name and was corrected immediately.”

It’s not uncommon for the women I work with to talk about needing more time to warm up and feel comfortable to speak up, to second guess themselves and hold back – especially if the conversation is being dominated by men.  My clients report often being spoken over by men, interrupted by facilitators, having their ideas called into question (until they state their expertise) and needing to feel more like an expert to ‘hold their space’ in a meeting where men will freely give their opinions even if it’s not their area of expertise.

Remember this isn’t about the women not having the skills, it’s about a lifetime of social norms that have taught us to keep quiet, go last, think of ourselves as second best, allow others to have the power and to be liked and fit in above all else.  Right from the movies we’ve watched, the books our parents read to us as kids and the way to world has taught us we should behave as a woman.

Women's roles and expectations have been moulded over centuries, leading to these biases and stereotypes. For generations, women were expected to be in domestic spaces, their contributions undervalued and their aspirations limited. Understanding this history is crucial to brining awareness to the barriers that continue to hinder progress.

The one thing that helps in this space is awareness and intention.  According to the stats for women to have an equal voice there needs to be 75% representation of women in a group. That means we need 25% more women in the group to ensure an equal voice, to offset the societal norms and gender stereotypes. 

We have got so used to men’s voices and male domination that we often don’t even question it or realise it’s an issue.  That’s where awareness comes in and actions of allies like Matt.

When I talk about the double bind I refer to how women are traditionally seen as nurturing, compassionate, and compliant, while leadership and assertiveness are predominantly associated with masculinity. Addressing gender equity requires challenging and changing these limiting beliefs.  It also requires an increase in awareness and education around Allyship.

Find out more about my activating allies programme here

The middle way and moderating perfection

One of the concepts I learned during my time spent studying with Buddhist monks and nuns has been really useful in my quest for moderation.  The middle path or middle way as it sometimes known is all about moderation and finding the middle ground.

The middle path generally refers to the avoidance of two extremes.  Buddha himself started life as a prince and renounced his luxury lifestyle, to embrace the other extreme as an ascetic practicing severe austerities.

Eventually landing between those two extremes ultimately realising both indulgence and deprivation were equally useless, even detrimental to his goal of achieving awakening.

I like to think of this and apply it to my work as moderation.  Finding the middle ground between excess and scarcity.  I use it with perfectionists to allow for our overestimated goals and expectations.  With failure at the other end so we can find a middle ground that’s realistic and excellent between failure and perfection.

It's great to use in health goals and routines too.  I might not want to run a marathon but I don’t want to be a couch potato either.  I don’t want to be overweight but nor do I want to be starving.  Even where stress is concerned we have the middle way of eustress, positive motivational stress which sits between boredom and burnout.

It’s why sometimes you’ll see me enjoying a burger and a beer and other days I’ll be on a juice detox.  It’s why I can be sleeping in on a Sunday or up at 6am Tuesday to do yoga and meditation before a big gig.  I can enjoy a family BBQ or late night out (not as often these days to be fair!) and then on a silent meditation retreat the following weekend.  I believe in everything in moderation being the key to finding the joy without beating ourselves up.

There’s too much pressure on us these days to be perfect.  Social media has increased this sense of everyone else being a wellness warrior and us failing at life because we had a piece of cake.  The quest for perfection has been exacerbated and the middle way can help us find our way back.  Our excessive expectations push us to the extremes and that can be detrimental to our performance (and our general happiness and wellbeing).  When we return to the middle and find the middle way it can be the secret to success and reduce the pressure we so often, unnecessarily, put on ourselves.

I think this can also be a useful strategy in negotiations and team collaborations too.  When dealing with opposing views asking the question “what’s the middle path here?” can be one of the most useful conversations to reach a consensus.

So what’s your middle path and how might this concept be useful for your moderation goals?

Calm and composed: it's not something we learn, it's who we are

It’s a skill I most value in myself and others and one that’s stood me is good stead both in work and life.

Whether it was dealing with employee deaths during my HR career, public speaking nerves in the early days of my authorship or simply responding to life events, composure is something that not only moderates our response and regulates our emotions but can leave us feeling clear and calm to face what ever is in front of us.  To respond rather than react and to come from a place of considered logic rather than blind panic!

People often ask me how do we learn to be calm and composed?  Whilst I don’t run any courses that focus on this I do run plenty of training and coaching sessions on self mastery and it gets the same result.  Here’s why.

I don’t believe calm, clarity and composure is something new we need to learn.  I believe it’s a capability we all have deep within, it’s just that we’ve lost touch with it.  It’s not something we learn it’s something we are.  Our busy lives, workload pressures and information overload has seen us so far removed from this natural state we think it’s a new skill we need to master.  Rather than something we’re born with that we can tap back into once the stress and overwhelm subsides.  Calm and composed is our natural state.  Just like water before the weather stirs it up or a stone is thrown into the lake.

It comes from deep knowledge of self and if we can keep coming back to this seed within that’s our essence, without all the stress and busyness, we’ll find this is where the calm lives.  It’s when we get still and quiet we can tap into this state of being.  We remove the layers of stress, busyness and distraction and find it’s been there all along.

When we know ourselves we’re more grounded, we’re better able to regulate our emotions and we know our triggers.  It’s about creating the conditions to be our best self.  Calm and composed is not something we learn, it’s something we are.

When I run retreats I’ll often talk about the concept of a retreat within.  A feeling and a place of peace my attendees can take with them long after the retreat ends and a place we carry within that we can retreat to anytime, even during daily life when we might not have a cottage in the country complete with massage and sauna.  This place within where we find peace is our natural state of calm and composure and it’s accessible to us anytime, if we cultivate it.  And by that we have to find time to be quiet and still long enough to allow the busyness and distraction to subside and open up this place of inner peace and calm.

It’s from here we make our wisest decisions, tap into our intuition and find the ability to respond rather than react.  It’s a place where equanimity lives, a sense of inner peace and groundedness.

So rather than having to learn to master another skillset.  Try finding some space to be still and quiet and see if you can tap into your natural state of being, this calm inner peace that exists in all  of us if we stop long enough to find it.

What's in your knowledge jar?

It’s not unusual for us to believe, as leaders, we have to have all the answers and be an expert to take our place at the leadership table. It’s an aspect of leadership (especially when new to the job) that can leave us struggling with confidence and imposter syndrome whilst we’re learning the role.

The myth is that we have to be an expert before we can be of value. It’s a confidence thing. I liken it to a jar of marmite. The jar doesn’t have to be full for it to be of use, we get marmite out of it even when it’s only half full. Yet with our internal jars of knowledge we so often under estimate the contents unless they’re full. It can lead to us not sharing ideas, asking questions of challenging others. Our lack of confidence wants the jar to be full so we’re sure we know enough.

I don’t have a full jar (and I perhaps never will as I believe we’re always learning) and yet I know I can share something of value. If we wait for ours jars to be full, to be experts we may never share the things that’ll help others, innovate, solve problems and create new ideas in the world.

You don’t have to know all the answers to be an expert and you don’t have to have a full jar of knowledge to have expertise in something. In fact it's part of our continuous improvement journey and a concept I talk about in LeaderZEN, the benefit of having a beginners mind.

These expertise we add to our jar don’t always come from our CV either. I believe our life events and lived experience can provide just as much expertise and if we’re not sharing that with the world we’re missing out.

So next time you’re worried you’re not ‘expert enough’ or waiting for more knowledge to accumulate in your jar remember the marmite and no matter how much is in there it’s always useful!

Find out more about my gender equity work and bringing my popular women’s leadership programme into your organisation or get your spot on the next leadership residential.

5 ways empathy and kindness make us great leaders

Leaders who are influential in modelling kindness to their staff benefit from increased employee well-being and engagement.  Kind leaders create environments where relationships thrive and people feel safe.  Including self-respect, respect for others, respect for diversity and the value it brings. Psychological safety is a key outcome of kindness in leadership.

Harvard Business School’s Amy Cuddy says that even before establishing their own credibility and competence, leaders who project warmth are more effective than people who lead with toughness. Kindness and warmth appears to accelerate trust.  But, the link between kindness and great leadership extends beyond just the relationship we have with employees. Studies show it also increases employee performance.

Former Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern said “one of the criticisms I’ve faced over the years is I’m not aggressive enough, or maybe somehow, because I’m empathetic, it means I’m weak.  I totally rebel against that.  I refuse to believe that you cannot be both compassionate and strong.”

It makes sense: if we’re strong in empathy, we are more likely to get along with our fellow humans, and if we have control over emotions, our relationships will be more effective, we’ll also better be able to read and room and influence and negotiate with this kind of awareness.

Those high in empathy often have greater emotional intelligence, the ability to understand and effectively manage our emotions. People who have high degrees of emotional intelligence are able to better manage emotions, insecurities or fear and are therefore able to react to many situations in more appropriate and effective ways. 

Empathy and kindness are important traits for leaders because they help to create a positive and supportive work environment, where employees feel valued, respected, and motivated. Here are some specific ways that empathy and kindness can benefit leaders:

1.       Better relationships: Empathy allows leaders to understand and connect with employees on a deeper level, leading to better relationships, increased trust, and improved communication.

2.       Increased motivation: Kindness and compassion can inspire employees to go the extra mile and feel more motivated, which can lead to improved performance and increased productivity.

3.       Improved decision-making: Empathy can help leaders to see things from other people's perspectives, leading to better decision-making and more equitable treatment of employees.

4.       Enhanced creativity and innovation: When employees feel valued and supported, they are more likely to be creative and innovative, which can lead to improved outcomes and therefore business success.

5.       Better workplace culture: Empathy and kindness can help to create a workplace culture that is supportive, inclusive, and positive, which can lead to higher job satisfaction and lower turnover rates.

Leaders who demonstrate empathy and kindness are able to build stronger relationships with employees, foster a positive workplace culture, and drive better results for their organisations. These traits are essential for effective leadership and can help to create a more compassionate and equitable workplace.

Introverts: ever feel like the world wasn't made for you?

Have you ever been told you need to speak up more at meetings?  Wish you could think on the spot.  Feel the pressure to give your best answer now despite needing to consider and reflect?

Not a fan of the open plan office, envy the life and souls of the party.  Did you love working from home during the pandemic getting the quiet to focus.  Do you find it easier to participate more on chat than in the room?

The world we live in has been made by males and extroverts for men and extroverts.  It’s why our systems and society can feel so exhausting.  It’s why we’re often told we need to change or fix ourselves in some way.

As a female leader and introvert myself this has been my experience and all too common in the women I coach where they also identify as introverts.  It can lead to self doubt, under rating ourselves, comparison to others, trying to make ourselves different and feeling wrong for the very things that in fact make us amazing.

I used to think it was a weakness, I’m too reserved, I need to speak out more, I need to be the life and soul of the party to be liked.  I need to be louder at work to be noticed.  It was all very exhausting.  I see this in others and on reflection I got noticed because of what I brought to the table, including my introvert advantage, so that’s what I enjoy helping others understand.

Living in a world that’s not made for us can lead to us feeling out of place, like we don’t belong or like there’s something wrong with us.  However much of what powers us as introverts and as women are the very superpowers we need to navigate this modern world.  It’s something Susan Cain explores beautifully in her best seller Quiet.  A must read for all introverts.

Let’s clear up a few misconceptions.  In a nut shell introversion or extroversion comes down to how a person responds to stimulation, especially in social settings.  There’s a myth that we’re quiet or shy but being an introvert actually means we prize deep and meaningful conversation over small talk, we’ll think before we speak, consider and reflect and we’ll recharge in solitude.  We can be great at socialising and stimulating conversation, especially if it’s with like minded people who we know – we just might need a nap afterwards!

Introverts are often more self aware, they listen better so have more information to draw on and we consider and reflect on that information before jumping to a conclusion.  Often high in emotional intelligence, quite often the introverts I coach also have a high degree of empathy.

I remember observing a team of leaders in a meeting, extroverts talking over each other and saying the same thing but in their own voice or thinking aloud.  There was one leader quietly sat at the end of the table and as we got to the end of the meeting they were asked to contribute and said one, small, articulate point that summed up what everyone else had been trying to say the whole hour.  This is the power of introverts.

Many of the women I work with are introverts and will ask things like ‘how can I be more extroverted to get ahead in leadership’.  My mantra is very much about leveraging the skills we have not trying to be like others or change our unique gifts.  But is it true, do extroverts get ahead at work, are they heard more, do people notice them, are they favoured over introverts?

In a world that celebrates ego, noise and attention you’d think so, we’re conditioned to believe that we should be the centre of attention, outgoing is fashionable and attractive and calm and reserved is often considered boring! 

Our world is designed for extroverts and we’re all over stimulated.  This makes it harder for introverts and more important we understand what we need and what we can bring to the table.  But if we’re trying to be more like extroverts or not allowing ourselves what we need we’re missing out on a super power and the world is missing out on our creativity and leadership.

So how can we thrive as introverted female leaders in a world not built for us?  Let’s finish with some top tips:

·       Know yourself, your brand, leverage your strengths, stand in your power. 

·       Mentor and learn from others.

·       Know that you need time to think and respond and the response will be far superior as a result.

·       Don’t apologise for needing time to yourself and create the space to recharge in solitude. 

·       Find time to focus and work alone if it helps you do deep work

·       Stop feeling like you need to change yourself: know how to value what makes you, you.

This of course doesn’t mean introverts are better than extroverts just that we’re often under rated and need to see our skillset for just that, a skillset not a part of us that needs to be fixed or made more extroverted.

“True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are, it requires us to be who we are – Brene Brown

Join us on this special women’s leadership residential retreat for some space to reflect and learn about you and your leadership brand to lead with impact.

Internal and external battles of the mind

In my workshops I often talk about the power of the mind.  When we talk confidence we talk about the different ways confidence can be grown or not.  We control so much of our world by what we think and what comes from the inside.  That, added to the external influences on us and what’s in our environment make our world.

Ideally both are positive influences but we can see why sometimes this can be hard.  It’s why being in toxic work cultures or relationships erodes our sense of self or why too much negative news or office gossip makes us think more negatively.  This of course is twice as bad if our inner critic is also doing the same thing internally!

There’s the external circumstance that causes us stress and our internal response or frustration towards wanting it to be different.

The saying is true: we can’t always control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to it. Buddhists have a great analogy for this, which perfectly sums up how our attitude and mindset affect our resilience: the second arrow analogy.

If we’re walking through the forest and we get hit by an arrow, we have a problem, and it causes us pain. Our reaction to this problem is like being hit by a second arrow in the same place. Now we have two problems and double the pain: but the second arrow is one that we shot ourselves.

What’s important is not so much what happens to us, but how we react to it. We tend to get upset and angry about the initial problem. Maybe our car has broken down: that is the first arrow, and the resulting pain is not of our doing. If we choose to get angry and upset about this, that’s the second arrow. It will double our pain but do little to resolve the first problem – and we shot that arrow ourselves.

If we can cultivate a positive internal world it’s half the battle, it’s the one we have most control over.  A positive external world also helps and  is the sweet spot but we know that doesn’t always happen and is sometimes out of our control.

Know that if negativity is around you you’ll need to work twice as a hard to make up for it from the inside and vice versa.  When your mind is not is a good place or the inner critic is running wild find a nice place or nice person to be with a lean on the external world to even things out.

It’s why paying attention to what we put in our mind is so important because this is the external influence that’ll disrupt the internal mind.  Too much social media, busyness and overwhelm, dramatic friends and violent movies all impact how we feel and ultimately our mindset.  Positive mindsets help us deal with what life throws at us and what we feed grows – especially in the garden of our mind.  So are you watering the weeds or allowing the flowers to bloom in your mind?

The power of investing in vertical growth for leaders

We’ve often spent years on growing leadership skills (horizontal growth) but now we need to invest in the inner game (vertical growth). Self leadership, self regulation, new perspectives and more complex and sophisticated ways of thinking. This enables us to make wiser choices, be less reactive, develop wisdom and insights to evolve and transform how we lead. Walking the talk, knowing ourselves and navigating the challenges that arise.

These are the key skills leaders of the future need. It’s the stuff that AI can’t replace. We’ve often spent years dedicated to the horizontal growth and leadership technical skills; strategic agility, financial acumen, project management etc. This is the stuff that ChatGPT might be doing for us soon! It’s time to focus on vertical growth, a deeper understanding of our self for mastery of the inner game. Future proofing leaders with the skills to lead in uncertain times, with inclusivity and the ability to lead multiple generations into this new world.

Focusing on vertical growth allows us to be better leaders and it’s critical to navigate the future of this changing world.  We’re more confident when we know who we are and what we bring to the table.  We’re more inclusive when we collaborate with others, seek continuous improvement and admit to not being the only expert in the room. We’re more aware and able to respond to change and challenges whilst remaining calm amid the chaos.

Whether you’re grappling with talent shortages, hybrid working, or employee engagement and turnover it’s a tough time to lead.  Add to that empathy fatigue, change weariness and impacts on staff morale the last few years has had.  It’s no wonder burnout is on the rise as we adapt to a new normal and lead others through this landscape.  Vertical growth takes leaders on a journey of development to lead in these uncertain times.

This is a new kind of leadership for a new kind of era.  Post pandemic challenges have changed the face of how we work and lead.  It requires evolution and a new focus for leaders.

·       Develop the kind of calm that is contagious, when you speak, others listen. 

·       Leverage self mastery, mental fitness and awareness as core leadership skills

·       Harness the ability to adapt to change and bounce back from set backs

·       Increase focus and concentration to perform at your peak

·       Become fearless but wise, compassionate and respected

·       Build empathy with the ability to regulate and control emotional response

A conscious leader, you know who you are and stand in your power.  Cognisant and composed you overcome the challenges ahead to make an impact.

Keen to find out more about this leadership development programme for vertical growth?  Self mastery & mental fitness for calm, conscious, capable leaders.  Click here for details.